Why I had to go all Donald Trump on the Assistant’s Arse
February 5, 2007
Let me just say this, Microsoft Word wants me to lose my mind. I swear it! They do! Let’s face it, the life of a writer can get a bit lonely. And yes, there are times I talk to myself. Especially now that I am in the homestretch with my book. I am writing more now than I have in ages, so I get a bit wacko. However, the very fact that I got into an argument with that damn paper clip in Office means I am probably in need of a break. He mocks me. I swear he does. He is in total cahoots with that BIG LOOMING blinking cursor. They like to tag team me.
*blink blink blink blink*
Paper-clip rolling his eyes, looking bored with my lack of words on the page….just waiting to pounce on me and say something stupid like, “You seem to be having a problem.” Then to just get all arrogant with his plethora of answers for me.
I couldn’t take it. I had to change my assistant. I have no problem firing assistants. I can go all Donald Trump on their ass with the ease of a champion. I decided to take a chance on the Red Button. How threatening can a red button be?
Oh my holy mother of annoyance! He is way too happy for me. Getting all studious when he looks up my answer then becoming the Perk Master Zen Freak when he finds it as he spins in circles and contorts into exclamation points. No way. Too much pep for me. Bite me, red button. You’re fired.
So let’s try the cat. I, personally, am not a cat person but I will pretend to be just to get rid of the Red Dot.
That damn thing MEOWS. At me. While I write. I have thrown shoes at the neighbor’s cat for less. I don’t need one doing it on my computer screeen while I am writing. The cat has GOT to go! Next!
Dog? Should I try the dog? I have a dog. My dog is trained. Let’s go with the dog.
The dog didn’t seem too bad, but you know what? He’s a bit of a smart ass. I don’t need a smart ass dog trying to tell me what I am doing wrong while I am writing. That is what I have critique partners for! My Doberbutt is enough of a distraction. Buh-bye doggie.
Looks like I am going to hate all of them.
My husband says to just (and I quote) TURN THE DAMN ASSISTANT OFF!
What does he know? It’s not like he is a writer with a book deadline or anything. (But maybe he has a point.)
Nah. Without the assistant, I never would have been able to kill this much time bitching about it. (And yes, I am getting back to work. I know I have deadlines. And my critique-rs (It is a word if I want it to be a word no matter how many paper-clips argue with me!) are not easy going on the deadlines. That’s why I love them so much!)
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