Matilda knows all
August 10, 2007
I have been having a blast test driving a Ford Taurus X. I adore the navigation system. As I was driving to a movie with my kids yesterday, I decided to program the theater into the navigation system to see if she (yes, the navigation system is a ’she’ not an ‘it’) knew where we were going. Suddenly, I looked at my son and exclaimed, “I cannot take directions from someone I don’t know. We must name her.”
That of course resulted in an enormous eye-roll.
“Nancy. Nancy Navigator. Nah. Too easy to go there. Won’t work.”
*eyeroll* and a *head shake* “Seriously, Mom?”
“Betty. But Betty what? I don’t have anything for Betty. Nah. Nope. Not Betty.”
“Hey, I liked Betty. Let’s use Betty.”
“I have it!” I exclaimed. “Matilda. Matilda Mapsie. Her name is Matilda Mapsie.”
“Mom, that sounds like a 70 year-old hooker’s name.”
That is when I laughed so hard, I slammed the vehicle into a lamp post and we all were crushed. Okay, that last part didn’t happen. But, the comment. The comment was made.
“Oh, son, you’ve sealed the deal. Her name is SO Matilda now.”
From that point on the rest of the day were comments such as:
“My 70 year-old hooker said to turn here.”
“Hey, Matilda says she wants to stop off and grab some smokes and hit the bar.”
“Oooops, Matilda got that one turn wrong. Must’ve been out too late last night.”
I am SO going to have a blast beating this dead horse 70 year-old hooker.
Posted by Jenn @
5:10 pm | |
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‘Defences of my memo.’
July 1, 2007
Lindsay over at Suburban Turmoil had a post a while back that showed what her name is in an anagram here. It turns out that MY name in anagram form is “threat finest injure bed wetter‘? The hell? I am SO not a bed wetter! I can be a threat. I can be the finest. And yes, I can injure you. But I take exception to the whole bed wetter thing. Rude!
However, if you anagram Mommy Needs Coffee you get: Defences of my memo. Now, I can like them again.
I did some of my friends names and laughed at how some were too accurate. NOT mine, though. Remember that.
Did I mention that I have a lot to do and therefore am playing on Facebook and blogging and getting to know Second Life. (Read about that new fun on Aggroqueen.)
A friend and local blogger, Niihaus, is back to blogging. I heart her so much that I stalked her for a while. I don’t think that is why she went offline, but I told her I would back off a bit on the stalking is she would meet me for lunch. I will be sitting outside her blog waiting.
Oh, and the whole iPhone thing? So not into it. If my phone rings when someone calls me and I can answer it (after finding it), then I am good. No need to iPhone me up. UNLESS of course Apple wants to send me a free iPhone to demo. Then I am all about it! Go iPhone.
And to keep my blog pretty, I offer you another vacation photo of where I want to be now. Though the weather is currently looking about the same here as it was there, the view is not anything as awesome. I miss the beach.
Posted by Jenn @
4:09 pm | |
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Recipie for disaster aka: Breakdown on a biscuit
May 25, 2004
-Take one exhausted Mom.
-Add an overly stressed, and slightly worn out Dad.
-Throw in 4 extrememly hyper 8 year old boys.
-Stir briskly with a bossy 10 year old brother.
-Sprinkle with a cranky 3 year old potty training toddler.
Mix well on high speed. (Beware: After aggitation, contents are highly explosive. Use extreme care.)
~~~~~
Holy crap on a crispy cracker it is insane here tonight! Kidlet Jr. is having 3 of his friends spend the night. Sort of a “last blast before we move” thing. (We are SO not going to even talk about the fact that we no longer have any idea when we are moving or what we are doing anymore.)
I mean, seriously, is it asking to much to just want hear myself shout over the noise? I am not asking for quiet, but for the love of Pete, can I please at least hear myself when I yell at you people?
I would ask Clint how he feels about it, but something tells me that the fact that he is sitting under his desk, rocking back and forth mumbling to himself is just not a good sign.
If I don’t blog tomorrow, send help. It means THEY took over and I am locked up somewhere. Either that or Clint and I took off for the Bahamas and could care less what they do to the house!
Oh no! I just heard a crash. Seriously, can I come stay with one of you?? ANYONE????
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Posted by Jenn @
8:40 pm | |
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The phone conversation
April 27, 2004
I recently had a phone conversation with a good friend of mine. A good friend who is single and has no children. (Which is how she wants it and loves it.) There was a time when I thought we had so much in common. Today, it is as if we are living on two separate planets.
I listened to her talk about her new apartment. She found a fabulous loft in the downtown area. She regaled me with tales of the incredible art pieces that she been able to acquire for the loft. I looked around my humble home and took an inventory of the artwork that adorned it. A finger-painting masterpiece by an as-yet undiscovered 3-year-old genius. A cracked clay sculpture that is either an ashtray (although none of us smoke) or a cat. We’re not sure which it is, so we use it as a centerpiece on the side table. A charcoal sketch (okay, it is actually a pencil drawing) of a dog chasing a ball (or a horse chasing a bird. It’s not really clear.) Hers cost a fortune. Mine are priceless.
She went on to talk about her new glass top tables and beautiful plush white carpet. I began to trace the fading outline of a stick person and his dog that my son had drawn on my old coffee table when he was two years old. It is fading and that actually made me sad. I began to wonder if I could put something on it to preserve it when my friend asked me if I knew of any good over the counter carpet cleaners since she “may need it one day”. I glanced down at my Kool-Aid stained and well worn carpet and replied, “Not one that can get out Kool-Aid and permanent markers.” She laughed in a way that told me she thought I was trying to be funny. I chuckled with her so as to not ruin her illusion of my home with a clean carpet.
Finally, she asked me what was new in my world. I ran through the things that had been big news in our house that week. My youngest used the potty at least once everyday. We are celebrating with dances and candy! And there was a new McDonald’s down the street that had a playplace with both tunnels and video games, so I can take all 3 kids and they are all happy. Oh, and my oldest son has a crush and he thinks she may like him back. My middle boy, the one who wears his heart on his sleeve, finally stood up to the class bully and made a new friend because of it. We were all so proud of him.
“But what about you, Jenn. What is new with you?”
I paused and thought. Then replied, “But don’t you see? That is what is new with me. All of these milestones are milestones for me too. It means they are growing up and becoming their own people. Good people. That means, I am doing a pretty damn good job of this parenting thing right now.”
She got quiet. She thought about my life. She thought about how different we are. How our lives are so foreign to each other.
“I don’t know how you do it,” she said almost sadly.
I smiled to myself and replied, “I don’t know how you don’t.”
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Posted by Jenn @
4:00 pm | |
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They made me need the coffee!
April 13, 2004
It is SO not my fault that I must have my coffee. It’s Starbucks fault that I have been “habituated to a drug, albeit one legal and relatively harmless.”
So there. I can have my coffee and my addiciton too. So really, that little white powder that makes me happy is caffeine. They said so themselves. (”In doses of 200 milligrams or less, caffeine, a bitter white powder found in many plants, has been shown to elicit feelings of increased alertness, happiness and sociability — in less scientific terms, a caffeine buzz.”) Therefore, later on, down the road when I am in yet another detox center to rid myself of the evil drug of caffeine, I can then emerge a decaffeinated diva and sue Starbucks.
Read the article for yourself.
Anyone up for a class action law-suit? 
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Posted by Jenn @
3:09 pm | |
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Get Out! (Creeps!)
March 27, 2004
When you have your house on the market, just knowing that strangers are going to be frollicking through the house everyday (one can hope), sure makes you see your things and your housekeeping in a different light. (What? Are you questioning my use of the word frollicking or questioning my housekeeping abilities? Frollicking sounds better than poking their nosey little selves around in every nook and cranny of my home. As for my housekeeping abilities, 10+ years with kids and I haven’t lost one in the chaos yet. So be nice!)
I love having friends over and entertaining. That is different. They are not going to go through my entire house opening closets and cabinets and looking in my private spaces. Well, some do, but that’s okay. I do it to them too. I mean, you gotta see who has what in their medicine cabinet. Don’t want to get too close to Ms. Foot Fungus without shoes. Don’t really want offer a game of one on one basketball to Mr. No Deoderant, now do we. Don’t worry. If I have been to your house, I haven’t done this to you. Just those other people. Oh shuddup. You probably did it at my house. Besides, if I invite you over, I know you. It’s okay if you see the medicine in my cabinet. You probably heard all about it before you ever looked. But strangers? *shudder* It just creeps me out.
A good friend thinks I should leave fun adult toys out on my nightstand…just to know that it will shock the realtor and people looking at the house. It would make me laugh just thinking about it everytime I know the house is being shown.
“And in here is the master bedroom. It is spacious and open with a split level floor and….omigod, what is that? Is that what I think it is? No way! *stammer stumble* Ummm, ummm, let’s go back to the living room.”
What do you think? I mean come on, the shock on their face (or at least imagining their embarrassment) would transfer the creepy factor over to their side at least. And I am all for that.
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Posted by Jenn @
4:30 pm | |
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Soccer Saturday
March 20, 2004
Soccer. It’s all about soccer today. Pictures. (Both boys.) Games. (Both boys.) Sunburn. (All of us.) (Yes, I know those of you who are in snow or freezing are probably ticked off that it was hot beautiful enough for us to get a sunburn, but trust me, when it hits 100+, you’ll be laughing at my suffering.) Typical Saturday for a soccer mom. Of course, this particular soccer Saturday was tougher on me than most. Why? Well, because I have lost my voice and cannot cheer for my boys! Oh sure, the boys love that it means that I can’t yell at them either, but that is just too bad. I can stop them in their tracks with just a look! Such a skill.
Then, I get to come home and clean, declutter, clean, moan and whine about all of the crap we have, clean, moan, yell croak (I have to at least attempt to yell at someone. It makes the day so much nicer) and clean some more. Okay, so who do I have to pay to come in here and get my house ready to go on the market by Monday? Anyone? Anyone?!
*and all she heard was the lonely sound of a few crickets chirping*
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Posted by Jenn @
6:23 pm | |
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On the Road Again
March 8, 2004
Happy Monday everyone! Are we all happy? Do I hear singing and general glee among the ranks? Nah. I didn’t think so.
First, I want to thank you for you overwhelming support and congrats on my 4 years. You all blew me away with your comments of congrats and support. Thank you!
So, since today is Monday and many of you are reading this at work. (Quick! Boss is coming. Go back to game playing! Just kidding around with you good people. We all know the boss is in his office reading his blogs of choice, too.) Anyway, as you sit there contemplating how much you really wish you weren’t at work, let me share with you what I will be doing today.
I will be in the car (Did I mention how very small my car is?) alone (as in my husband is staying home) with 3 kids who don’t really want to be in a car (did I mention how small my car is?) driving the 6 hour (if I am lucky) drive to west of Houston. I mean really, DID I mention how small my car is? Oh I am coming fully armed with portable DVD player, Game Cube and ear plugs. (That last one is for me.) And of course Road Trip snacks. Enough to get them full and wired, but not quite enough to make them puke.
Oh good times, people. Good times! (Did I mention how small my car is?)
So, as you sit there is the QUIET of your office, just thank your lucky starts you aren’t me!
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Posted by Jenn @
8:18 am | |
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Sigh Day
January 22, 2004
Yesterday was a day where my heart and spirit just got a beating… over and over. By 9:30pm, I just couldn’t take one more blow, so I crawled in bed. I decided to watch a dvd that was sure to make me laugh. It didn’t really do the trick, so I just turned out the light and fell into a fitfull sleep.
Yep, that women pretty much sums up how I’m feeling. Pathetic, huh!
(*Mid-post I had to go to the store. This early. For milk. Gotta love the efficiency in which I run my home, huh!*)
Today is one of those days where I just want to hibernate. Do you know those days? You just want to go back to bed and deal with nothing and no one. I cannot begin to tell you the energy it will take to not do that. Because truly, that’s all I want to do.
Instead, I am going to get Little Diva up early, play with her for a while and then go to the gym. Maybe that will help me to not feel so defeated. I need a pick me up. Anyone have one they want to share?
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Posted by Jenn @
6:01 am | |
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What can I say? It’s in my blood.
January 15, 2004
I decided I wasn’t going to talk about coffee today. Okay? No coffee talk.
Wait. I just mentioned it. That means I talked about coffee. Hmmm, I guess that gives me free reign to discuss this particular nectar of the gods now. What? You’re sick of it? Already? Hello. Do you know me? Have you actually typed the url to this site? Mommy Needs Coffee. You see, it isn’t my fault. It is in my blood. (I have proof, you know.) I am allowed my one vice. Smoking? No. Drugs? Not anymore. Running naked in the street singing “Celebrate Good Times, c’mon!”? Not since that mean neighbor called the cops. Allow me my coffee. (And no one gets hurt.)
Okay, since I am in such a good mood, to appease you (and because that guy over there looks a little scary), I will just throw up a cartoon for you. (No. I won’t actually “throw-up” a cartoon. That’s nasty!)
I hope you all have a great Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday. (Who can keep track anymore?)
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Posted by Jenn @
8:33 am | |
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