Matilda knows all
August 10, 2007
I have been having a blast test driving a Ford Taurus X. I adore the navigation system. As I was driving to a movie with my kids yesterday, I decided to program the theater into the navigation system to see if she (yes, the navigation system is a ’she’ not an ‘it’) knew where we were going. Suddenly, I looked at my son and exclaimed, “I cannot take directions from someone I don’t know. We must name her.”
That of course resulted in an enormous eye-roll.
“Nancy. Nancy Navigator. Nah. Too easy to go there. Won’t work.”
*eyeroll* and a *head shake* “Seriously, Mom?”
“Betty. But Betty what? I don’t have anything for Betty. Nah. Nope. Not Betty.”
“Hey, I liked Betty. Let’s use Betty.”
“I have it!” I exclaimed. “Matilda. Matilda Mapsie. Her name is Matilda Mapsie.”
“Mom, that sounds like a 70 year-old hooker’s name.”
That is when I laughed so hard, I slammed the vehicle into a lamp post and we all were crushed. Okay, that last part didn’t happen. But, the comment. The comment was made.
“Oh, son, you’ve sealed the deal. Her name is SO Matilda now.”
From that point on the rest of the day were comments such as:
“My 70 year-old hooker said to turn here.”
“Hey, Matilda says she wants to stop off and grab some smokes and hit the bar.”
“Oooops, Matilda got that one turn wrong. Must’ve been out too late last night.”
I am SO going to have a blast beating this dead horse 70 year-old hooker.
Posted by Jenn @
5:10 pm |
‘Defences of my memo.’
July 1, 2007
Lindsay over at Suburban Turmoil had a post a while back that showed what her name is in an anagram here. It turns out that MY name in anagram form is “threat finest injure bed wetter‘? The hell? I am SO not a bed wetter! I can be a threat. I can be the finest. And yes, I can injure you. But I take exception to the whole bed wetter thing. Rude!
However, if you anagram Mommy Needs Coffee you get: Defences of my memo. Now, I can like them again.
I did some of my friends names and laughed at how some were too accurate. NOT mine, though. Remember that.
Did I mention that I have a lot to do and therefore am playing on Facebook and blogging and getting to know Second Life. (Read about that new fun on Aggroqueen.)
A friend and local blogger, Niihaus, is back to blogging. I heart her so much that I stalked her for a while. I don’t think that is why she went offline, but I told her I would back off a bit on the stalking is she would meet me for lunch. I will be sitting outside her blog waiting.
Oh, and the whole iPhone thing? So not into it. If my phone rings when someone calls me and I can answer it (after finding it), then I am good. No need to iPhone me up. UNLESS of course Apple wants to send me a free iPhone to demo. Then I am all about it! Go iPhone.
And to keep my blog pretty, I offer you another vacation photo of where I want to be now. Though the weather is currently looking about the same here as it was there, the view is not anything as awesome. I miss the beach.
Posted by Jenn @
4:09 pm |
Recipie for disaster aka: Breakdown on a biscuit
May 25, 2004
-Take one exhausted Mom.
-Add an overly stressed, and slightly worn out Dad.
-Throw in 4 extrememly hyper 8 year old boys.
-Stir briskly with a bossy 10 year old brother.
-Sprinkle with a cranky 3 year old potty training toddler.
Mix well on high speed. (Beware: After aggitation, contents are highly explosive. Use extreme care.)
~~~~~
Holy crap on a crispy cracker it is insane here tonight! Kidlet Jr. is having 3 of his friends spend the night. Sort of a “last blast before we move” thing. (We are SO not going to even talk about the fact that we no longer have any idea when we are moving or what we are doing anymore.)
I mean, seriously, is it asking to much to just want hear myself shout over the noise? I am not asking for quiet, but for the love of Pete, can I please at least hear myself when I yell at you people?
I would ask Clint how he feels about it, but something tells me that the fact that he is sitting under his desk, rocking back and forth mumbling to himself is just not a good sign.
If I don’t blog tomorrow, send help. It means THEY took over and I am locked up somewhere. Either that or Clint and I took off for the Bahamas and could care less what they do to the house!
Oh no! I just heard a crash. Seriously, can I come stay with one of you?? ANYONE????
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Posted by Jenn @
8:40 pm |
The phone conversation
April 27, 2004
I recently had a phone conversation with a good friend of mine. A good friend who is single and has no children. (Which is how she wants it and loves it.) There was a time when I thought we had so much in common. Today, it is as if we are living on two separate planets.
I listened to her talk about her new apartment. She found a fabulous loft in the downtown area. She regaled me with tales of the incredible art pieces that she been able to acquire for the loft. I looked around my humble home and took an inventory of the artwork that adorned it. A finger-painting masterpiece by an as-yet undiscovered 3-year-old genius. A cracked clay sculpture that is either an ashtray (although none of us smoke) or a cat. We’re not sure which it is, so we use it as a centerpiece on the side table. A charcoal sketch (okay, it is actually a pencil drawing) of a dog chasing a ball (or a horse chasing a bird. It’s not really clear.) Hers cost a fortune. Mine are priceless.
She went on to talk about her new glass top tables and beautiful plush white carpet. I began to trace the fading outline of a stick person and his dog that my son had drawn on my old coffee table when he was two years old. It is fading and that actually made me sad. I began to wonder if I could put something on it to preserve it when my friend asked me if I knew of any good over the counter carpet cleaners since she “may need it one day”. I glanced down at my Kool-Aid stained and well worn carpet and replied, “Not one that can get out Kool-Aid and permanent markers.” She laughed in a way that told me she thought I was trying to be funny. I chuckled with her so as to not ruin her illusion of my home with a clean carpet.
Finally, she asked me what was new in my world. I ran through the things that had been big news in our house that week. My youngest used the potty at least once everyday. We are celebrating with dances and candy! And there was a new McDonald’s down the street that had a playplace with both tunnels and video games, so I can take all 3 kids and they are all happy. Oh, and my oldest son has a crush and he thinks she may like him back. My middle boy, the one who wears his heart on his sleeve, finally stood up to the class bully and made a new friend because of it. We were all so proud of him.
“But what about you, Jenn. What is new with you?”
I paused and thought. Then replied, “But don’t you see? That is what is new with me. All of these milestones are milestones for me too. It means they are growing up and becoming their own people. Good people. That means, I am doing a pretty damn good job of this parenting thing right now.”
She got quiet. She thought about my life. She thought about how different we are. How our lives are so foreign to each other.
“I don’t know how you do it,” she said almost sadly.
I smiled to myself and replied, “I don’t know how you don’t.”
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Posted by Jenn @
4:00 pm |
They made me need the coffee!
April 13, 2004
It is SO not my fault that I must have my coffee. It’s Starbucks fault that I have been “habituated to a drug, albeit one legal and relatively harmless.”
So there. I can have my coffee and my addiciton too. So really, that little white powder that makes me happy is caffeine. They said so themselves. (”In doses of 200 milligrams or less, caffeine, a bitter white powder found in many plants, has been shown to elicit feelings of increased alertness, happiness and sociability — in less scientific terms, a caffeine buzz.”) Therefore, later on, down the road when I am in yet another detox center to rid myself of the evil drug of caffeine, I can then emerge a decaffeinated diva and sue Starbucks.
Read the article for yourself.
Anyone up for a class action law-suit? 
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Posted by Jenn @
3:09 pm |
