MY DVR Judges and Mocks Me

September 10, 2007

Now that the kids are in school and I have a manuscript due like yesterday and work piling up left and right, I decided to sit down and catch up on the programs I recorded with my DVR. (No, it is not a TiVo. I got the one that came with my satellite. And let me tell you this. This thing is snobby and not even a little bit kind in its opinions on what I record.)

As I pull up the menu of hours upon hours of shows, I decide on Big Brother 8. Oh, sure, I watch the live feeds (shut-up!) but there might have been something I missed or at the very least want to see how CBS edits the real deal. Midway through the show my DVR freezes. Then it turns itself off. When it comes back on and reboots (taking at least 5 minutes of my precious stalling time), BB8 has been erased. Not just the one I was watching, but all of them. (I know! I couldn’t believe the horror either.)

Being alone, I had no problem in freaking out on the DVR.

“What’s up with that? Why did you have to go and delete all of those shows? And just BB8? What’s your problem? You think you are too good to hold onto reality TV? Puhleez! You are just a DVR. And that was RUDE! What a poopy head!” (My Lessons in Maturity Classes begin next month.)

I think I angered it in my mild attempt at smack talk.

I scroll through the menu again. What other stored up, brain-rotting television do I have to watch? I decide to settle in and catch up on Army Wives. I liked the first few shows and haven’t watched in weeks. With less than 10 minutes to go in the show, the DVR again freezes, shuts off and then won’t reboot. It just glares at me. After chastising and berating it, it blinked on. Then off. And back on. Only to have erased every Army Wife program I had recorded.

Seriously? This is how it’s going to be played?

I get up and yank out gently remove the “smart card” and do what I do with any card/game/electronic device I own. I blow on it. (It is a proven fact that blowing on it fixes it.)

When I replace the card and the system takes, oh about 10 minutes to recover, I have gone from having 26 hours left of recording time to 70 hours. 26 to 70. You can do the math (I don’t do math after 9pm.) That means, my DVR chose (and yes I choose to believe it was a conscience choice) to delete HOURS that I had recorded of shows that I may or may not want to watch. I mean, I had Ellen on the Plane recorded. I had High School Musical I and II on there. I even had the a few Gilmore Girls on there.

So, what did my snobby, judgmental DVR leave me? Three episodes of Blues Clues (which by the way no one in this house watches anyway), four Suite Life of Zach and Cody episodes, and over a months worth or Days of Our Lives. (Oh, and about 18 different shows from the Discovery channel which will probably still be there after my DVR accidentally gets tossed into the street to be plowed down by the next speeding SUV or Mini-van to travel through this part of Stepford. Assuming something so tragic as that were to happen.)

Apparently, my DVR does not like reality TV, talk shows or Lifetime movies and/or series. It does however like shows for preschoolers, educational programming and SOAP OPERAS. (Please, like I can’t just watch one show of Days after a month of missing it and not be totally caught up. Here: DiMira’s bad. Brady’s and Horton’s good. At least one person is in the hospital who might die but probably won’t. Someone is pregnant (and in peril!). And at least one couple is having a misunderstanding that they just might not recover from. And that is without watching even though my DVR really wants me to!)

I glared at it.

It blinked back.

Such as smart ass.

Anyone want to set a girl up with a TiVo? I am betting they are a lot less temperamental and actually allow you to choose your own shows without interfering with your choice of programming. I hate my mocking, self-important DVR.

Mommy Bloggers do it on national tv

February 3, 2006

Before Christmas I wrote an entry that I stored in my drafts folder and forgot about it.  With everything that was going on, it was the last thing on my mind.  Well, long story short, I had a phone call today with a producer that reminded me about this post.  I thought now might be a good time to whip this baby out.

So, here I sit.  I am trying to look intelligent like I have something really important to say and that the typing I am doing is a matter of NATIONAL SECURITY.  But in fact, all I can think about is “I have nothing to say I have nothing to say holy shit I have nothing to say” Why do I care?  Well, because breathing down my neck is a camera crew filming my every word.  Yes, a camera crew.  As in for the news.  I wonder what they will record if I start typing every profanity known to man?  Probably cut me from the piece, I imagine.

Here’s the deal.  The camera crew is here to do a story on how blogging has gone mainstream.  I am one of the lucky ones they are interviewing.  But I am nervous that I am going to come off sounding like Forrest Gump on a bad day. I mean this is my first on camera interview.  And the story is a national story.  NATIONAL as in….you might see it.  It will air nationally on local news programs all over the country. 

Oh for the love of hot lights, sweaty pits and freaking out don’t they have enough footage yet?  Yep.  I am sure none of this will go on.  Okay, this part is crap.  I better just go write a real entry about my KIDS or something since I am the MOMMY BLOGGER section of this story.  But really, you can hear my heart racing through the screen, can’t you?

That was what I had saved in my draft.  I talked to the producer today and she asked me if I saw the piece. 

Uhhhh, no. 

With everything that was going on with Mom, I never followed up on when it would air etc.  So, I missed it.  Only I could miss a story that went out to stations nationwide and have no clue it did so!  BUT, I have found it in the archives of one of the local stations in Philadelphia.  (Go Philly! Way to churn out those old archives!  Still hunting down the other ones, but am too tickled pink to work too hard on that one yet.) Turns out they changed the whole angle of the story.  It went from all about blogging and a small section about mommy blogging, to all about my blog and mommy blogging. 

[I will pause now while I freak the hell out and vomit a little bit.]

Okay, I am back.

I added a few screen captures.  I was so damn nervous I managed to get absolutely NO pictures of the cameras etc.  I didn’t even get one of me when I threw up into the camera bag with all of the expensive equipment.  Okay, that part didn’t happen.  But it might have.

Editor’s note:  I have been requested to post the link to the story.  Here is one of the one’s that aired. (It is the third story down on the left hand side of the page.) Can you tell I wanted to vomit?

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I feel a great disturbance in the Force

July 18, 2005

I have a confession to make.  Even though I am in my mid-thirties and even though I grew up in the age of Star Wars and even though I can make Star Wars references and quote the most famous lines (Luke, I am your father.  May the force be with you.  I feel a great disturbance in the force.), until a couple of weeks ago I had never seen a Star Wars movie.  Ever.  At least not completely.  I would have to live under a rock to not see at least a moment or two or ten thousand in my lifetime.

At the very tender age of young, I planned to go to Star Wars with my friends.  It would be a big deal to go with just my friends.  There we were at the movie theater ready to see it.  We were early, but opened the door to the theater anyway.  “What did you see?” you might ask yourself.  I’ll tell you.  I saw STORM TROOPERS. 

HUGE GUYS WITH BIG GUNS.  RUNNING. SHOOTING.  AT ME!

Let me just say, it scared the ever loving bejeezus out of me.  We chose (or rather I insisted) that we see a different movie.  ANYTHING but the STORM TROOPERS.  That night and many, many, many nights following, I had nightmares about those damn Storm Troopers.  Never, ever about Darth Vader.  He didn’t scare me in the least.  I mean, come on!  With James Earl Jones doing the voice?  Who could be scared of him?  I mean, we all know people watch CNN for a reason.  It is the amazing “This is CNN” voiced by Mr. Vader.

I would love to tell you that as I aged, I grew out of it.  Nuh-uh.  Nope.  In fact, just a couple of months ago Brandon and Clint were watching Star Wars on TV when I walked by and saw STORM TROOPERS!  I raced off to do laundry or something, anything, in a different part of the house.  You know what? I had a nightmare that night.  No kidding.

My kids know this about me.  They roll their eyes and accept it.  But barely.  They prefer I not tell anyone this horrific factoid, but I still do.  I was telling a friend of Zarek’s that I had never seen the movies.  He was extremely appalled at me. 

I explained, “You see, I saw the first one and it scared me, so I just don’t watch them.”

“You mean Episode I or Episode IV?” he asked.

“Uhhh, the first one.  The one that came out in the 70’s.”

“That is Episode IV, actually, not the first one.  Episode I is really the first in the series, but Episode IV was released first.” He saw that my eyes were glazing over.

“So, the first one is the fourth one and the fourth one is the first one so the numbers tell you the order of the story, but not the order in which it came out.  Right?  So, do you watch it from I-VI or do you watch it IV-VI and then I-III?  What is the proper Star Wars etiquette here?” I questioned.

He just looked at me as if I sprouted another head, then ran off to find Zarek.  (I never got my answer, by the way.)

BUT (you knew there would be a ‘but’, right?) I now have two boys who are very into the whole Star Wars thing.  They love it.  We own all of the movies that are out on DVD.  Now, since Episode III (*which is really VI, but we are all pretending to be ignorant of this) came out in theaters, the guys in my family decided a Star Wars marathon was in order. 

I decided to give it a try.  I can do this.  I can watch Star Wars. I am, after all, an adult.  I have seen worse in my lifetime than a STORM TROOPER!  I mean, they miss their shots the majority of the time anyway.

So we watched.  We started with the original (you figure out the number).  I watched through my fingers when the STORM TROOPERS came on.  My stomach knotted.  My butt clenched.  My hands sweat.  They still had that effect of me.  BUT I WATCHED THE ENTIRE THING.  In fact, I have seen every episode except the one in theaters now.  (Please tell me you are proud.  It was not easy!) I even have plans to see that one in a real live theater.  (Even though I hear it is more violent.) I just might even get myself a nifty little light-saber.  I am so going to be tre’chic in my Princess Leia gold bikini next summer!

Next up:  Conquering my fear of OompaLoompahs and Sock Monkeys.

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Does anyone actually watch er anymore? Anyone?

May 6, 2004

This entry is nothing more than a selfish plea for my own peace of mind to anyone who actually saw er tonight. Everyone else, just check out the next entry. This one will bore you to tears. (And probably make me look pretty darn pathetic for actually putting this out there.)

If this doesn’t involve you, just move along. There is nothing to see here.
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Ahhh, the good old days

April 18, 2004

You know what I miss? I miss the ABC Afterschool Special. Don’t you look at me like that. If you are of my generation, you watched it. You may not admit it, but you did. (Yes, you did! Quit arguing.)

I mean, where else could you find a teen drama that dealt with everything from racism to teen pregnancy to blending families and confused sexuality? Of course, it always offered the feel good advice that made it all better in the end. All questions were answered and everything was A-Okay by the time the credits rolled. (Let’s face it, this was probably the springboard for Lifetime Television movies. Right? Think about it. Generation X just got older and moved towards a more adult “afterschool special.”)

Even now, you can find references to these “specials” in movies and tv shows. Usually not in a positive way, though. (”Oh, please, this isn’t an afterschool special. Do we need the touchy feely talk?”)

The other day Kidlet Sr. asked me (upon hearing such a reference), “Mom, what is an ABC Afterschool Special?”

*shock*

No child should grow up without rolling his eyes when that familiar “Regularly scheduled programming will not be seen at this time so that we may bring you this ABC Afterschool special” followed by that super cheesy 70’s music. Outwardly you groaned, but inwardly you were glad (and secretly watch it anyway). What has happened to this world? See, this is why our country is messed up. We stopped airing the Afterschool Special. Bring those bad boys back and we will have world peace in under an hour.

What was your favorite episode? (And don’t say you don’t know what I am talking about if you are within 10 years of my age, you know.)
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Bring out yer dead…

February 25, 2004

How rude is this? All you want to do is find your Zen and the next thing you know you are surrounded by 50 searchers and two police helicopters. Can’t a guy do a downward dog without all of the attention?

Of course it does bring to mind a great quote from Monty Python: “Bring out yer dead…..I’m not dead.”
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’til we meet again….

February 22, 2004

I have one word for the ending of Sex and the City….
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So Hung!

February 12, 2004

Okay, I admit it. I thoroughly enjoyed William Hung on American Idol. I felt terrible for him when he was just so darn sweet! Oh, it isn’t like I think he should be the American Idol. But, I totally adored his great outlook and innocence! How many of us would go face someone like Simon and Randy and think “What the hell? I’m giving it a shot because I really want to try.” Well, maybe some of you would. But a lot wouldn’t. I admire the guy.

But do I obsess over him? Oh hell no. So when I saw this site, I almost fell out of my chair laughing. (Well, not literally out of my chair. That would require skill since it has two arms and is pretty stable. I was just using a figure of speech people!) You must check out the Marry Me Will part. Oh just check it all out.

So, who out there is ready to put up a page for Fookling Lee? Anyone? I’ll host you here. *grin* I get about 10 hits a day here for her, so I know there is a need. C’mon.
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Train wreck

January 28, 2004

Okay, I admit it. I pretty much giggled with glee when American Idol came back on this season. I don’t know what it is that makes me so thoroughly enjoy watching the wretched singers (especially when they think they are god’s gift to the music industry). I have gasped in shock, laughed in sheer amusement and watched through my fingers in horror at some of these contestants. Are they serious? (skatgirl? Fookling Lee? Victoria Elliott and her “advisor” Mr. Jack? (Did anyone else see a parallel like a pimp and his ho in that relationship or was it just me?) Need I say more?)

I mean sure, Simon is one mean dude, but truth be told, I adore the s.o.b.! I know, I could never be so cruel, but he does it so well. In all honesty I am a nice gal. Why do I find him so entertaining? I could never do what he does. Seriously, if you were to fall flat on your face right in front of me, I wouldn’t even laugh. (Okay, yes I would, but I would feel really bad about it later.)

I have to wonder, when you really can’t sing, don’t you know it? I mean, I know I can’t sing. Does it stop me from singing to the radio in my car? Nope. Does it stop me from singing to my kids? Nope. Does it stop me from making as ass out of myself on national television. Hell yes it does! I’ll find my 15 minutes of fame somewhere else, thankyouverymuch.

Is it wrong to find so much joy in this train wreck of talentless people? Ahhh, who cares! I am having one helluva good time watching them.
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Booooo!

January 10, 2004

Want to know how to get me to throw the remote at the tv?

Telling me that my hockey was on only to get all happy and ready to sit down to a good, rough game only to find figure skating on instead.

Now that’s just not right.
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