When in doubt, write. You never know what can happen.
August 12, 2008
One of the most surreal moments for me at BlogHer was the Sleep Is for the Weak book signing at the cocktail party. To see people that I totally admire lining up to have their books signed was overwhelmingly awesome. Now, granted, I was sitting with some of the most incredible Mom Bloggers there are but people actually made it to the end of the table and asked me to sign their copy of the book.
I can’t tell you the number of times I wanted to jump up and shout, “Me? Sign your book? Forget that! Will you sign my copy of the book. I love your blog!” Most of the time I resisted. Many times I did jump up and hug the bloggers who were there.
It was both humbling and empowering. Humbling because I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want me actually graffiti their book with my name scrawled in it. But they did. And I did. And I tried to be personal in it because they stood in line and paid money for this book. And again, I do get that it wasn’t about me but about the wonderful women who were sitting at that table with me. It was empowering in that it gave me that extra push I needed to get my own manuscript polished up to get to my own agent.
And then after BlogHer something really amazing began to happen. I began to get emails about one of my essays. And then phone calls. People who took time out of their day to email or freaking call me to tell me how what I wrote touched them. (I so want to link to these women, but I did not ask permission and I don’t know if they want me to do that.)
One blogger I have known for a while called me in between work and running kids back and forth to their activities (and she has a lot of kids and lot of things she has to do!) and wanted to talk to me about what one of my essays meant to her. I felt bad about it because I absolutely started bawling on the phone to her. I don’t think she knows how much her personal words and call meant to me.
You see, when Rita Arens first approached me about this project of hers I was in a really dark, bad place. All I could think of was “I have nothing to offer. I have no funny. What can I possibly contribute?“ Rita assured me that with so many years of blogging I was sure to have something. So, eager to jump on any project she is working on, I sent her a few things. (Thank you, Rita, for hanging in there with my tears and questioning of what not being up to par.)
And then I saw what essays were chosen.
And I cried. Because, well, she picked ones that meant something very deeply to me.
I had no funny. And that was okay. At that time in my life, it was okay. It worked into the book fine.
But when people I knew and admired started to contact me, I was blown away that it meant something to them, too.
Talk about humbling. More than I know how to say.
So, there they are. My words. In print. In a book. Sitting right them sandwiched among some of the most talented writers I know. A book that has so much in it to offer everyone by writers who blow my mind.
Do you have a copy of Sleep Is for the Weak? If not, guess what? I am giving away two copies. (I wish I could give one to every one of my readers but that is just not possible. But you do all get a virtual hug because you support me and encourage me to write every day.)
When the paper clip mocks you it is time for a break
April 14, 2008
I have been working furiously trying to get my book finished (to a point) to get to my ever patient and wonderful agent whom I worship and adore. (Yes, I am a good ass-kisser. Why?) I have been writing. And then writing. And then hitting a wall.
Want to know what is worse than writer’s block? Being mocked by that freaking paper clip in Word. I really hate it. I mean, I want to take it and untwist it and make it into obscene sculptures to send to unsuspecting successful authors who have made it through this already.
But tonight, when it mocked me? That was it. Mocked. Me.
See?
I need to get out and talk to more people. When the paper clip mocks me, it is time for a break. But the book? So much good to say about it. So much happening. But first? I have a paper clip sculpture to make!
Okay, for those of you writers out there, this is hilarious. Depending on your spell checker? Think again. It is especially for my good friend whose job it is to proofread the fun things we writers throw out there. Don’t let this happen to you. “Proofreading your peppers is of the utmost impotence!” (Warning! It is a bit risque, but nevertheless hilarious!) How did I not find Taylor Mali before now? I adore him. Listen to some of his things. They are good!
Example exerpt:
So I got myself a spell checker
and figured I was on Sleazy Street.
But there are several missed aches
that a spell chukker can¹t can¹t catch catch.
For instant, if you accidentally leave out word
your spell exchequer won¹t put it in you.
And God for billing purposes only
you should have serial problems with Tori Spelling
your spell Chekhov might replace a word
with one you had absolutely no detention of using.
If you have read any of my past posts, you know I love my Wii. I take it on vacation. We play it in the car. We force encourage our friends to play whenever they come over. It has been a great way to bring the family together. And not just together mindlessly staring at the TV. We are actually actively playing together.
So, when I was requested to write an article on bringing back family night, I jumped at it. I strongly believe in a family night. Where we are all in the same room. Doing the same thing. Imagine that.
Therefore, I ask that you, my loyal readers and friends show the kind people at EA that they made a good choice is selecting me to write their article on their new Wii game, Boogie and bringing back family night. Go check it out! For me. And sign up for the newsletters at Family Education, too. There are some great articles. (And I am not just talking about mine! ha!)
Pictures with the Boogie to come soon!
[UPDATE: The article is on sk*rt! Go show me some sk*rt love. You know I never self promote. Rarely self promote. Try not to self promote. Oh, what the hell. Just show me da love, baby!]
Do you know what really makes me excited and passionate and so eager to take action I can barely sit still? (Get your mind out of the gutter. I mean passion as in things you are passionate about not passion as in a Lifetime Movie of the Week.) Talking to other writers. It doesn’t have to always be about writing, but it does go there. There is a secret code, or glimmer in their eye or simply the love of words that makes it like meeting a kindred spirit.
I had the most incredible meeting with another writer on Friday. We met at a Starbucks. (Of course! I am not messin’ with you when I say I need my coffee.) I grabbed the prime corner, comfy chair set up. I was nervous when I first saw her because she is adorable and petite and young and did I mention adorable? I thought for sure she would take one look at me and think “Frumpy, dumpy Mom. This will be quick. The woman probably has no brain.”
And then we began to talk. Our short meeting lasted a little over two hours. And still, I would have sat there two more hours because I enjoyed talking to her so very much! I think she got me. She could have been faking it, but she seemed to get me. We “people watched.” Both of us had that writer mind where you see people and they are not just people having coffee. Oh no! Those two over there? Totally on a date. (We were right!) That guy over there? He’s bored and wishing he could be reading something more interesting than the business work he brought because the person he is meeting is over 30 minutes late. And that woman over there? Total Stepford. (All the way!) I mean, we could’ve had the entire life story of every person in there complete with back history of how they got there if we kept at it.
She got it.
And did I mention she was adorable and got hit on. By a very interesting older gentleman. By older, I mean grandfather or great-grandfather older. She handled it with ease and charm. *crush*
Just talking to her (and of course asking for writing leads) fueled my writing passion. I wanted to be better, do more, set the world on fire. Not because of the things we talked about as much as I loved sitting there with a career writer and being called and calling myself a writer. I immediately wanted to get more clips, do more promotion, finish my big writerly project that I have underway (or at least kick it into high gear!). In short, I wanted to be the writer she saw.
So, to you, my new found friend, thank you. And if you ever call me a PM again, it is SO ON!
“You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.” ~Ray Bradbury
Sometimes it is easy in the hubbub of the world of blogging–the politics, games and deadlines–to forget that my life, breath and very soul belong to my book right now. I truly believe that had I focused on my writing life rather than reality and the non-reality of blogging, I could have helped myself through the [quote] Post Traumatic Stress [end quote] that my therapist is getting me through. (I love using the official therapistical talk –totally a word, by the way– rather than saying, “That one time when I went all batshit crazy…”)
So I have cleared out the clutter and am full force, balls to the wall writing where my passion is. Yes, blogging, too. In short, my life and my writing are taking on a new direction. (AND and and –happy kid moment– there is a new community project underway that I am involved in which is going to be more up my alley than ever before. Go me!)
I do hope you are ready for the ride. For some, it may be new (if you are new here). For others, I do hope you are ready for the old smart ass, babble-assing Jenn of yesteryears. I mean after all, that why I love writing in the first place. To entertain and have fun. And babble-ass.
And as an aside to Buzz–who has a new blog look and is looking good, so go say hi– I am so going to plummet off of this cliff and not just plummet off of the step–because even if I could… I couldn’t. (I know that may not make sense to anyone but Buzz, but it is all in the love of words that Buzz and I met over. See? This is why Buzz and Pat became two of my favorite people online!)
That is all. Back to your coffee. Even if it is not coffee you are drinking. Do no break my heart. Just pretend to go back to your coffee.
Why I had to go all Donald Trump on the Assistant’s Arse
February 5, 2007
Let me just say this, Microsoft Word wants me to lose my mind. I swear it! They do! Let’s face it, the life of a writer can get a bit lonely. And yes, there are times I talk to myself. Especially now that I am in the homestretch with my book. I am writing more now than I have in ages, so I get a bit wacko. However, the very fact that I got into an argument with that damn paper clip in Office means I am probably in need of a break. He mocks me. I swear he does. He is in total cahoots with that BIG LOOMING blinking cursor. They like to tag team me.
*blink blink blink blink*
Paper-clip rolling his eyes, looking bored with my lack of words on the page….just waiting to pounce on me and say something stupid like, “You seem to be having a problem.” Then to just get all arrogant with his plethora of answers for me.
I couldn’t take it. I had to change my assistant. I have no problem firing assistants. I can go all Donald Trump on their ass with the ease of a champion. I decided to take a chance on the Red Button. How threatening can a red button be?
Oh my holy mother of annoyance! He is way too happy for me. Getting all studious when he looks up my answer then becoming the Perk Master Zen Freak when he finds it as he spins in circles and contorts into exclamation points. No way. Too much pep for me. Bite me, red button. You’re fired.
So let’s try the cat. I, personally, am not a cat person but I will pretend to be just to get rid of the Red Dot.
That damn thing MEOWS. At me. While I write. I have thrown shoes at the neighbor’s cat for less. I don’t need one doing it on my computer screeen while I am writing. The cat has GOT to go! Next!
Dog? Should I try the dog? I have a dog. My dog is trained. Let’s go with the dog.
The dog didn’t seem too bad, but you know what? He’s a bit of a smart ass. I don’t need a smart ass dog trying to tell me what I am doing wrong while I am writing. That is what I have critique partners for! My Doberbutt is enough of a distraction. Buh-bye doggie.
Looks like I am going to hate all of them.
My husband says to just (and I quote) TURN THE DAMN ASSISTANT OFF!
What does he know? It’s not like he is a writer with a book deadline or anything. (But maybe he has a point.)
Nah. Without the assistant, I never would have been able to kill this much time bitching about it. (And yes, I am getting back to work. I know I have deadlines. And my critique-rs (It is a word if I want it to be a word no matter how many paper-clips argue with me!) are not easy going on the deadlines. That’s why I love them so much!)
So, you brought home a new Internet Troll. Congratulations! If you are a first timer having a troll, you may have questions. Here are a few suggestions so that you and your troll can live in karmic balance. Now remember, each troll is different and your results may vary. However, this primer should help you get on your way. Welcome to the world of having a troll!
How do I refer to my troll now that I have him/her?
First, your troll may show up already named. Yet, you will find the “pre-fab” names to be rather unoriginal such as Annonymous [sic], ihateyou or yousuck. Never fear, you can always change their name. If this is your first troll, I find that it is best to give him/her a soothing, happy name to remind you that they are really just helpless, sad creatures. A good name can make all the difference! I recommend something like FluffyLoveBunny or Silly Billy Chickie Boo. How scary is that? Not so much.
So your troll has a name! Congratulations! You are on your way!
How do I discipline my new troll?
Now as trolls are known to do, yours may act up from time to time. He or she may get down right nasty and vicious towards you. Remember: That is in their nature. They are inbred to act that way. It is just NOT their fault. (And rumor has it most of them were dropped on their head often as tiny, baby trolls.) Of course, your first instinct as you get used to your new troll is to lash out and want to punish them for being so incorrigible. That would be your first mistake! It only encourages their behavior. The best way to keep your little FluffyBunnyLove in harmony with you and your home is to ignore him or her. Unlike their human counterparts, neglect keeps trolls temperamentally neutral. Allowing them to see your anger or pain at their behavior merely encourages them to keep it up and makes them raging mean. Neglect. Ignore. Restore (the balance). Those are the keys to disciplining your new troll.
Now that I have a new troll, what do I feed him?
Like any wild animal, it is important to understand the indigenous nature of their diet. Your new troll may try to convince you that the best thing you can feed him is a diet of your anger, frustration and pain. Don’t listen. As any child can tell you, they will try to get away with anything they possibly can. It would be a mistake to listen to them. Your anger, frustration and pain is their main source of nutrition and growth and– unlike human beings who need good nutrition and growth to survive– it is vital that trolls maintain a steady diet of ambivalence and ignorant bliss to maintain their puny stature. As much as you want to punish him or her, remember that little FluffyLoveBunny needs to be ignored after he or she comes home with you. A steady diet of neglect will keep you living in harmony with your new troll!
Where do I keep my new troll?
That is a great (and normal) question! As with any troll, he or she will want to be front and center in your life. He or she will want your never-ending attention at all times. It is their nature. However, to live successfully with your new troll, you must remember to keep him or her locked in a corner or sitting so far in the back of the room that you forget her or she is there. Remember: Neglect makes this work! Don’t feel guilt. It is how this relationship was meant to be.
What if my troll runs away from me and never returns? Does this mean I failed as a troll owner?
Absolutely not! In fact, just the opposite. If your troll gives up in frustration and leaves you for another, that simply means you have done a good job in the care and feeding of your troll. Pat yourself on the back. You deserve it!
However, remember this: The troll population is diverse and re-spawns quickly. Don’t get too comfortable. Before you know it, another troll may follow you home. But, with this handy primer, you will be ready for the care and feeding of your troll!
Good luck with your new troll! May your journey be swift and painless!
This weekend while everyone enjoys BBQ’s and cookouts and fireworks, I will be slaving over my computer working on a writing deadline that if I meet, will mean Fun! Food! and Frolicking! all around. But for this weekend (unless I am losing my mind and need to vent) I will be chained to the desk writing. See you all Monday!
When I went in search of my new friend’s book, Confessions of Super Mom, I was completely surprised to find it in the nonfiction section. Nonfiction? I thought to myself. After all this time getting to know Melanie and even sharing the beloved title of BFF, she never once told me that this was autobiographical. How can that be? I knew I had to get to the bottom of this and fast.
So, I did what anyone else would do. I called her up and demanded–okay, asked nicely–if she had anything she wanted to tell me.
Jenn: “Melanie? This is Jenn. Do you have a few minutes? I think you and I have a lot to talk about.”
Melanie*laughter* “Sure, Jenn. I have a few minutes. What’s on your mind?”
Jenn: “I’m not going to really beat around the bush here. When I went in search of your book the first time, I found it in the NONfiction section. Non. Fiction. Come on! You can tell me, just between us, are you the real live Super Mom?”
Thus began the interview I recently had with the amazing debut author, Melanie Lynne Hauser.
Jenn: “Melanie, it is no secret that you dressed up as SuperGirl for Halloween one year. Was that an unconscious way of shouting out to the world that you are in fact a super hero?”
Melanie: After more laughter she replies “You just never know.”
Jenn: “Okay, I see you are not going to give me the scoop of a lifetime, so we’ll just continue under the assumption that this book is in fact a work of fiction. Let’s talk about the characters.
You are the mother of two teenage boys. So, how did you nail the mother/daughter tension so well?”
Melanie: “I have friends with daughters, so a lot of that was based on situations they shared with me. That and I made a lot of it up.”
Jenn: “Do you ever worry about writing about something you don’t know personally?”
Melanie: “Honestly, I don’t really follow the famous “Write what you know” rule. I think that too often writers allow the truth to get in the way of good fiction.”
Jenn: “Tell me about Carl. He sounds like such a hottie! Did you have someone particular in mind when you wrote about him? Someone you know or a famous actor or anything?”
Melanie: “Carl is really just a creation of my imagination. But I will admit to you that I have been known to have dreams about him. In fact, the truth is, I think I just might have a small crush on Carl. *laugh*”
Jenn: “And your husband is fine with that?”
Melanie “Sure, because I think he has a bit of a crush on Birdie. Which is okay since she actually the only character I have written that is so similar to me. At least physically.”
Jenn: “Because you are Birdie?”
Melanie: “I didn’t say that!”
Swiffer Power!
Jenn: “SO have you had your Swiffer bronzed yet? I mean, after all that it has done for you.”
Melanie: “No, I haven’t but I do use it a lot. I do actually use my Swiffer.”
Jenn: “Listen, between us, I am not the world’s best housekeeper. Any suggestions for becoming a Super Mom cleaning pro?”
Melanie: “I can tell you for sure NOT to try it the way it happened to Birdie. Seriously. Not a good idea. At. All.”
Jenn: “Okay, I have to bring this up. The PTA color coded phone tree. Because, and I quote, ‘The PTA is the first line of defense in homeland security.’ I laughed out loud at this one! In order to keep the PTA members and parents alert, the PTA president created this elaborate color coded phone tree. Just please, please tell me that this is an example of your imagination and that you have not actually encountered this.”
Melanie: “No, no. It is fiction.”
Jenn: “And the PTA? No grief from them as you, how shall I say, poke fun of the intensity in which some members are portrayed? Has anyone been upset by the portrayal? I mean, I have *ahem* been known to be a PTA tormentor a time or two and am rarely let off the hook for it. What about you?”
Melanie: “Oh, actually, I have had a lot of people compliment me and laugh about it. At the risk of scaring you off, I will admit to you, I did serve as a PTA president for a year.”
At this point I hung up on her. Okay, not really.
Jenn: “Okay, last comment on the PTA color coded chart. Are you willing to take accept personal responsibility if my own PTA decides to incorporate this kind of chart to notify the members when I am on school grounds? Seriously. Will you?”
Melanie: “I think you may on your own there, Jenn.”
Jenn: “Last question and I will let you get back to your family. Will we see more of Birdie, Carl and the PTA of Astro Park?”
Melanie: “Absolutely! In fact, I am working on the sequel right now!”
Jenn: “Ohhhhh, tell me more!!”
Melanie: *laughing* “Not so much! You’re going to have to wait with the rest of Super Mom’s fans.”
And with that, we started our 5 minute “gush-fest” of goodbyes.
There you have it! Real life confessions of Super Mom. I hope it made you want to rush out and get this truly fun and thoroughly enjoyable book. I promise, you won’ regret it! Oh, and here is an even more awesome bonus. If you want an autographed copy of Melanie’s book, just go to Melanie’s Buy The Book page and follow the link to email her local bookseller. They will send you an autographed copy of her book!
