This past week I put in nearly 40 hours of school volunteering. (Or maybe eleventy hundred. I lost count.) Some at home but most at the school. Does this mean they have officially “gotten” me? Am I now a Stepford? Let’s say no. I did have fun doing it, though. I know. The first step is admitting there is a problem. So really? I don’t really have a “new” post worthy of a Newsflash, but I do have something you may not have read yet. Seeing as I know you don’t all follow me around the ‘net to see what I have to say. And the links in the post? Follow them. Some amazing women writers were quoted. You may find a great new read!
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The past week I have been adrift in volunteer work, a new freelance job, house cleaning and one other thing. What was that? Oh, I remember. Celebrating my eighth year being clean from a painful and life altering drug addiction that nearly took away everything I cherish and love. I’ll be honest. I wanted to find be around at least one person who “got it” and would realize what I was going through on that day. It was a day that I desperately needed to be understood and on familiar ground with another person.
Blogging is much the same way for many people. Some people read blogs as a way to find others that are going through the same life issues, have the same interests or maybe even just because they entertain them. And then we have the bloggers themselves. Those who put themselves right out there in front of the Internet and share to let it all lay bare. Those writers who dig deep into their souls and pull out a part of it and share it. Hoping it connects with someone else. Sometimes hoping someone else will connect with them.
It is not surprising that in this week I found Redsy. As she began her Odyssey to stop drinking she posting these words that so resonated with me that I wept remembering the feelings she described.
I’ve found a place to go every day to talk about my problem with drinking. To listen to others talk about their struggles and fears and recovery. And it is a complete and total miracle. If I’d known how great these meetings would be, I honestly would have stopped all this wine nonsense a long time ago.
But of course I wouldn’t really. Because outside of those wonderful comforting loving meetings, life is once again scary as hell. And this time I’m standing there without my favored weapon. Facing an army of tigers with a pea shooter and one bean, which is how we’re supposed to feel at the beginning (I’m told).
And I feel like the outside layer of my skin (the adult, fake-put-together part) has been taken away and I’m this sea creature –shell-less and shaky–lolling around waiting for sunlight to reach all the long way down to the ocean floor.
I read through her pages and found her four months later with these words:
So it’s been 75 days since my last drink and nearly 4 months since I began this odyssey — to sober up, wake up to my life, start a daily spiritual practice something like worshiping a higher power, something like trying to be a more loving person.
As slowly the cravings, mental and physical subside, replaced by new rituals and people and habits, hope increases. Hope that there is more that I can give, more to experience, and a greater sense of gratitude folded into the dailyness of things.
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All is not perfect happiness by any stretch, but broken down into 24 hours segments, I can say I haven’t felt this hopeful and resourceful for years and years.
I cheered for her. I wanted to shout to her that I get it and I am so proud of her. I remember hitting each milestone month of being clean and you can damn well bet it is worthy of a celebration. She is now 5 months sober. I am 8 years clean. We are alike and we can both learn from each other. That is the beauty of putting it out there. I don’t know her. But really? I know her.
I also came across a post about loss written by Jenn of Breed ‘Em and Weep that caused me to suck my breath in and hold it as I read it. I cried with the writer as she described her feelings. I felt my own anguish over losses in my own life (though different from hers, losses nevertheless) and I felt her pain as she knew that things would never be the same. I could feel her anguish as she knew the lives of her children would never be the same after this peaceful night of sleep– not knowing.
Tomorrow we will tell the girls about a difficult loss. It is a peculiar thing to sit on the edge of your child’s bed, watching her sleep, knowing that tomorrow you will say something that will stop her heart briefly and force her through a door she would not have chosen herself. Children do not take kindly to loss, and why should they? As adults we can barely stand it, barely have the ability to comprehend the who-was-who-now-isn’t, the what-was-that-now-is-lost.
I watch her dark profile. She is a beautiful girl, as still sometimes in her waking hours as she is right now, asleep. I think, This is her last night of not knowing. Tomorrow we take away the not-knowing.
When I first read the post I didn’t even know what the loss was but it did not matter. I felt it. I felt her loss. I felt the losses in my life. I felt her turmoil as a mother. I remembered that late night knowing I had something to tell my own children that would forever bring them from before to after. From innocence to life-changing. Her ability to open up and share from the bottom of her heart was so universal while still being so personal, you were not only there with her, you were at that place in your own life where you went through your own loss. That is the incredible power of blogging.
You see, when bloggers really open up and share, we find a way to connect, find support and feel as if someone out there gets us. To those of you who bare your souls, thank you. I appreciate and understand how hard that is. I have found bloggers who write about just about everything. They share what they know with people who may need or want to hear it.
I can find bloggers who help me with support for my addiction, the death of my Mom, my stillborn son, and my frustrations and dilemmas in parenting. And when I read the following quote from Mamma Loves, I realized that there is a certain type of blogging that is harder to find.
Mamma Loves called it to the carpet when she wrote:
What I’ve noticed though is that there seems to be one topic that remains fairly off limits (unless addressed anonymously). I understand why. Many people have discussed their reasons for not talking about it. I see this in my real life friendships too.
I just have to ask though…when will we all stop pretending like marriage is easy??
I love that question. I would love more people to just say it. “This marriage thing? Good. Love it. But, damn, it can be hard.” I know many divorced bloggers who will talk all about it. Or bloggers who openly admit they are in a bad marriage. But what about those of us who are in good marriages and are happy? Just something she asked that I thought I bring to the table since we are talking about baring our hearts and souls in blogging.
The bottom line is blogging has power. A mighty strong power. Blogging connects people. We can find others who get where we have been, where we are and where we are going. And that is vital at certain times in our lives. So, bloggers, it is okay to bare your soul. Some of us need it. Most of us admire it. And there are even a few of us who are counting on it.
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Comments are acting wonky so if you try to leave one and it won’t let you, please let me know. You can always email it to me and I will post it for you. No idea what is wrong. Sorry!
A Bloggess gets Kawasakied. We Digg a Queen. And Mommybloggers take back their title and add Hussein.
March 1, 2008
As you may or may not know, I post regularly on BlogHer. This post has received a lot of attention from other mom bloggers, so I wanted to share it here seeing as I know not all of you read BlogHer. I know…cross posting can be lame. Sue me. Well, don’t really. I just wanted to share how far we have come, baby.
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It has been one of those weeks. A week that slams you against a wall. Needless to say, I fell behind in my blog reading. What is an editor to do? Why she just hops onto Twitter to find the latest buzz. And, oh, there has been buzz!
Take for instance the newest addition to the Urban Dictionary. When Jenny of The Bloggess found her group blog Mama Drama on Alltop.com, she emailed Guy Kawasaki (the creator of the list) to thank him. From there, the hilarity ensued. In a must read exchange between Guy and Jenny, she found herself the topic of a Tweet.
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And then Guy twittered about me, which is like winning an Oscar for best design of a battery-operated series of fog machines. Totally amazing and kind of embarrassing all at the same time. Also? Nothing to sneer at make hay about.
Anyway, I’d just like to thank Mr. Kawasaki for being the one of the first genuinely nice celebrities to not make me feel like a total douchebag and I plan on sending a copy of this to Ken Hoffman who could certainly take a lesson from Guy and needs to realize that just acknowledging a fan letter won’t mean that I’ll get all delusional and suddenly be convinced that we’re now ”best friends forever” and show up at your house on holidays. It’s too late now, Ken, but it would have meant a lot to me way back when I was just some random chick to you. Back when I wasn’t engaged to Guy Kawasaki.
It was from this Tweet and the subsequent emails passed back and forth that Jenny coined the phrase being “Kawasakied.” Now, according to Urban Dictionary that means:
To have your blog linked to or acknowledged by someone famous like Guy Kawasaki who totally kicks ass, but if you told your mom about it she’d be like “Huh? What’s a blog? Hey, is that the guy who invented the motorcycle?”
“Dude. My blog got totally Kawasakied today!”
On a totally different note, the power of a mom blogger and her opinions was clearly observed when political post Erin of Queen of Spain Blog wrote a very compelling and thought provoking article about the upcoming Democratic Nomination and Hillary Clinton. As word of her post got out, people flocked to it and she found it on the front page of Digg. (And the topic of many discussions around the net and a massive amount of tweets on Twitter.) In fact, it wasn’t until much later that mainstream media caught up and you began to read in newspapers the same idea that Erin had already shared with the world.
What? A mom blogger who has a brain, political opinions and dares to share them with the world? She rocked the socks off of many people. People well beyond those who are considered the typical mom blog audience. Erin is not one to shy away from her opinion. Few of us who are in the mom blog category do. We are proving to not only our own community that supports us but to the tech and new media world as a whole that we are voices that should not only be listened to, but respected.
Power to the Mom Blogger who dares to speak out!
While we are on the topic of respect, I have to mention a great conversation that took place today. The question was asked:
“Tell me, is ‘Mommyblogger’ still a negative term in the Social Media space? Has it changed? Do you still look down? Be truthful.”
I always felt the mommy-blogger label was too confining, and I shook it completely a year ago when I started a new blog… much of that was because of reaction from others that made mommy-blogging feel second tier- looking back I should have ignored.
For many of us, we remember the time when the very term or idea of mommybloggers was dismissed, shunned and looked down upon. The very first BlogHer conference had a session on mommyblogging that was a “room of our own” and was expected to bring in few people. It was standing room only. Back then, one of the main focuses of the discussion was whether or not the term mommyblogger was derogatory. Today, as I followed the discussion on Twitter, I saw many responses that were along these lines:
I never thought “mommyblogger” was other than a statement of heroic survival ability!
Not everyone was loving the term or category. Lone Sophist stated:
I think that women who are mothers and blog are more than mommybloggers, that’s why I don’t like that “category.”
The point is this. Just a few years ago we were in a small room and felt like second tier bloggers. Today, we are much sought after by marketers, talk shows and magazines. We’ve come a long way, baby.
Mom bloggers are so much more than diapers and potty training. We are taking on issues that are changing the world and the way people view it. For instance, take todays awesome “Just Call Me Hussein” smackdown over at Momocrats.
Why all the fuss? Some ig’nant fools apparently think it’s helpful to their cause to liken Barack Obama to a “terrorist” because his middle name is “Hussein.” And we ain’t havin’ none of that. Why? Because “bitch is the new black,” and we? Are bitches.
We’ve decided to extend the reach of this important blog action by making “Just Call Me Hussein” a meme. If you are reading this and haven’t posted, consider yourself tagged. All you have to do is post your “Hussein name” in the title of your blog and share a story about how someone tried to make you feel bad about your name.
When you post—whenever you post—be sure to link us so we can find you. Now, go! Spread that meme far and wide, sistahs (and brahs)! Bitches get shit done!
Most excellent way to take a situation and make people not only think, but write about it. You see? It extends beyond their blog. Beyond any of our blogs when we get right down to it. At last check, there were thirty-three posts (and still counting) that sprang from one entry on one blog written by moms.
It’s been a long road and sadly there has been some road-kill along the way, but mommybloggers–the term, the bloggers and the power behind them both– are a powerful force in new media.
Me? I am proud to have been on that first panel, that first year as we wondered where we would go from there. I would say mommybloggers are kicking ass and taking names. Count on it. And, yes, you can quote me on that.
I have had an email stalking relationship with her since I found her video online and I can honestly tell you, she is one of the kindest women I have met online. And I have been doing this for years. In fact, we are currently in negotiations for the status of BFF and have agreed to hammer out details over a cup of coffee–time and location permitting.
But, while you are here, feel free to peruse the blog and the archives. It’s not like I am impressed you are here from the NYT Magazine or anything (yes I am) or want you to stay (yes I do) but more importantly, I want you to feel welcome. (But, really? Use a coaster because getting those water rings out of a blog is tough!)
Forgive me Internets (and Big “Brother”) for I have sinned against the system. It has been 5 days since my last entry. I feel shame. Remorse. Regret. Fear. I quiver at the very thought that I have let you down. I shall bear the mark of shame and the scarlet letter S (for slacker of course) until such time as…oh screw it. It is my blog and I am going to do with it what I want. But readers…you I want to please. So here I am!
Title confusing enough for you? Let me share. (See? Totally rhymes with the rest of it!)
Hair. I have a new hair situation going on. I would say style, but that sounds so Stepford. I would do hair-do, but that sounds so grandmother. So, we shall call it a situation. My stylists says it is a good warning as you meet me. Red. Passionate red. With a bit of blonde thrown in because of my blond moments and because blondes do have a lot of fun! Wanna see?
I am loving it. I will try to get a better angle, but for now, it is fun. The “don’t jack with me because I have a temper and passion that will mess you up” of the red combined with the “Let’s party” of the blonde make the perfect mix for me right now.
There. I am working a lot more over at Mommybloggers. We are growing and changing and adding new people every day. In fact, in honor of our relaunch (coming to an Internet near you), we are offering great deals for advertisers on the site. For premium advertising on a one on one basis. Personal. No affiliation necessary. Anyway, more important than that, I just cross posted something over there and would love to have your take on it. Have you been in that position before? Care to share? (Again? With the rhymes?)
Ware. Now here is where you have to stretch with me. Ware as in gaming ware. Hardware. Software. It has been a whirlwind weekend of gaming systems. From PC (I am having one helluva a good time again with WoW. I have gone from “Everyone has time to play and I never get to so I am going to quit” to “No, honey, YOU feed the kids and get them to bed because mama has a warlock to level.” Not that I do that every day, but seriously? Why can’t I be the one to get lost in a game that entertains me for hours? Why–when the kids have two parents living at home that are capable– am I the one who has to put anything I want to do on hold? Answer? I don’t. So I have started a warlock and she is now level 21 (and a half.) If you play, let me know and we can talk more. Sorry about the gaming talk, non gamers whose eyes just glazed over.
Here is my mandatory update. More later. Oh, and I suppose I will at least add an informational video for you. No sense in having to update if you are bored with me, right?
Confused on voting? On Democracy? Well, no more. Here it is all explained in black and white for you.
Personalized Fruit Roll-Ups? Rule the school with these. (WIN!)
January 28, 2008
I had the chance to order personalized (yes, personalized) FruitRoll-Ups for Valentine’s Day for my first grader (though I wanted them for myself) through MomCentral. Read all about it over at Fresh Brewed Reviews.
However, because I love you all so much, I want YOU to win, too. We can beat those Martha Stewart wanna-be Muffin Mafia Moms at the “I have the best Valentine’s to for my precious” game. This year, YOU can send your little one of with one of a kind, no one else has these Personalized Fruit Roll Ups.
Three of my readers will win a box of 30 personalized Fruit Roll-Ups. Here is the catch. You have to comment here and leave me the sweetest Valentine’s messages you’ve sent or received. It can be a non-typical sweet but one that meant a lot to you. THREE of you will win a chance to order your own box of personalized Fruit Roll-Ups.
BUT there is a FAST time limit. You have to order by February 3rd to get these sent to you in time for Valentine’s Day. If you don’t win but want to order, please go here to My Fruit Roll-Ups. If you order before February 2nd, you get a $10 discount. Note: I receive nothing from telling you about this or from giving away three free boxes.
Don’t forget to leave me your sweetest Valentine’s message so that you can win, too. In order to get your orders in by February 3rd, I am cutting this contest off at midnight PST on February 1st and notifying the winners first thing the morning of the second so that those who want to get the $10 off can still order on the 2nd to receive that discount.
Cranium Bloom games for the preschool set! Win one!
January 23, 2008
Thanks to MomCentral, I had the opportunity to review two Cranium Bloom games for ages 3 and up: Let’s Play Count & Cook Game and Let’s Go to the Zoo Seek & Find Puzzle.
My kids are younger than these games are geared towards, but I think that Cranium makes such wonderfully educational toys and wanted to let you know about these great products.
First up we have “Let’s Play Count & Cook Game.” The object of the game is to collect all the ingredients in the recipe. You use a simple board, a dice and a cook– that is your game piece. In this game everyone works together and therefore it creates a game that is very non-competitive. Seeing as this game is geared towards the preschool set, I love that. Having preschooler start a throw down over a game is not my idea of fun!
In this game, the players count their way around the board as they gather food for the recipes in your cookbook. Add your secret ingredients — then pull the tab for something funny to do! It is a great way to introduce young children to the concept of recipes and cooking. (My idea of putting the fun in cooking at a young age sounds wonderful!) Great for counting skills, working together, pretend play, matching items and working on the ever elusive taking turns concept.
The game is set for children age 3 and up. It is geared mainly for preschoolers.
The other game is “Let’s Go to the Zoo Seek & Find Puzzle.” This game works on skills such as Spatial thinking, Counting, Color and letter matching, Fine motor skills and Working together.
Peacocks and polar bears, lemurs and lions. Share in the magic of a day at the zoo with this activity-packed puzzle set.
Piece together the picture. Find the flamingo. Circle something yellow, then hop, hop, hop like a kangaroo.
With sturdy, kid-sized pieces, an erasable pen, and fun activity cards, you’re all set for a new adventure every time you play.
What’s in the box?
Let’s Go to the Zoo Seek & Find Puzzle includes 24 puzzle pieces, 30 cards, and erasable pen.
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These are great games for the preschool set. Are you interested in having one? Just leave me a comment and you can win one. Be sure to let me know which game you are interested in receiving and I will contact the winners. There will be one winner per game. Cranium is well known for their educational toys, so this is a great deal.
Good luck!
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Disclaimer for the powers that be: I did not receive any compensation for this review and am giving the products away.
Motherhood– The Job Where Success is Doing Less and Your Promotion is Being “Let Go”
January 11, 2008
One of the often muttered phrases by Moms everywhere– because of the deep truth in it– is the phrase “They grow up so fast!” I heard it from my Mom. I was told this by other Moms. And, yes, I have even said the words myself. They do grow up so fast. From newborns to toddlers. From grade school to high school. From high school to college and beyond. Before you know it, the little baby they placed in your arms has become his or her own person. As unique and individual as a fingerprint. Therein lies the joy and bittersweet love of motherhood.
My oldest son is 6′1″ and I now have to stand on my tippy toes to hug him. It is a strange feeling to look up when speaking to your own child. Bewilderment and pride are a common emotional cocktail served up while watching our children grow. My younger son has just reached 5′3″ and I realize it won’t be long before he, too, is taller than I am and I am reaching up to kiss a cheek. Blessedly, my daughter is only 6 years old and I can still curl her up on my lap and plant kisses all over her cheeks. I know that before long she, too, will stretch her wings a bit more and want more independence, but for now, we have a pretty good thing going.
I suppose as the anniversary of my own mother’s death approached, I became a bit melancholy and sentimental. The new year has brought changes both welcome and not as much welcome as necessary. My work on my book and my column have been amazing as some blogging has been slower. Though work has taken up a lot of my time as I race into this new year, my main job–the job that matters the most to me– is being a Mom. And that job evolves, grows and reinvents itself daily. I thought it was just my own circumstances that had me looking at my motherhood job and the daily changes that come with it in such a sentimental way, until I began to look to other Mom Blogs.
At Musings of a Housewife, dcrmom shares with us what it feels like to suddenly realize that this parenting gig can get a bit tough as our children age. Both tough in the reality of their lives as well as tough on Moms emotionally.
But now there’s a “big kid” living in my house. All of the sudden, the baby I nursed and rocked and sang to and potty trained thinks he knows more than his father and I do. And he remembers everything. If I mess this up, he could hold it against me forever.
I am no longer his whole world. These days he often values a laugh out of his friend over an approving smile from me. Sometimes he talks to me like I’m more of a peer than a parent. One moment he is sweet and affectionate, and the next he is sullen and remote.
I still love him more than my own life. I always have and I always will. But he’s not totally mine anymore. He’s becoming his own person.
That one phrase “…not totally mine anymore” really stuck with me. It is when they become their own person with their own wants, friends, jokes and ideas that are completely separate from ours–and at times contrary to ours– that we realize we are entering a new phase in parenting where the map has yet to be drawn… No matter how many books you have read about child rearing.
As I thought about the challenges of mothering, learning as I go as well as learning to let go, I read the words of Anna at the blog The End of Motherhood? as she wrote about one of my most cherished times in mothering. The night-time tuck-in. This is what she has to say about this
particular aspect of parenting.
Throughout his seventeen years and vastly more sleepovers, he has always, always, always been the first to fall asleep. He was lying on his side, his arm bent for a pillow. I had the most powerful urge to gently shake his shoulder, wake him up and tell him he should go sleep in his cozy bed. How many times have I done that before? Had him push himself groggily to standing and, leaning heavily on my shoulder, stagger into the warmth of his bed? But as I leaned down to touch his shoulder, it occurred to me that my 6’ 4” seventeen year old might be a tad embarrassed to be shuffled off to bed by his mother in front of his still partying friends.
And there it was: an opportunity to Mother less.
She goes on to say:
Putting your children to bed it one of the bass notes of mothering.
I thought back on all the routines we have had about bedtime. The baths. The nursing. The books. The songs. The crables. The pulling up of covers. The kissing of cheeks. The leaving the door open just a bit so the light shines in.
And so I realized in the middle watches of the night that putting my children to bed feels like love to me. That is why it was so hard not to do.
Yes! That is exactly why so many of the rituals that they outgrow are harder on us as mothers than they are on our children. To us it feels like love. To not do it? Well, sometimes it just hurts.
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