Poor Edna!
March 20, 2004
Okay if anyone wants to get me this t-shirt, you can.
I’m not as think as you drunk I am
February 28, 2004
I figured this would be a great little quiz for the weekend. Not that it has anything to do with me at all. Nope. Not at all like me. Why are you laughing? I’m not joking. Quit that!
Scorpio Drinking style:
Don’t ever tell Scorpios they’ve had enough, for<style/”>Alcohoroscopes- what do the stars say about your drinking style
brought to you by Quizilla
NO you’re defensive
February 20, 2004
Recently, it was suggested to me in an email that I was a bit defensive. How rude! So I replied.
“How dare you go off on me accusing me of being defensive? What? Because I didn’t like the tone of your mass emailing I am suddenly defensive? That because you told me I need to go to church I will suddenly be a good person? Who do you think you are to get so preachy to me? I think that you are the one being defensive, Pastor John.”
Okay, no I really didn’t go off like that on my preacher.
I just realized from a couple of emails that have really ticked me off lately, that perhaps it actually is not that “they” (they being the collectiveness of people I am referring to) might not all be asshats. That perhaps, just maybe, I am on edge. (Dear, you really shouldn’t respond here. I know where you live.)
People whom I have known for years will make a comment to me and immediately I take it wrong. Oh, I don’t jump their case about it. But I simmer and stew inside. I usually am reading emails with a tone. Why? Whose tone? Mine? Theirs? The scary, evil neighbor lady’s?
Maybe it is because it is that time of year. It’s that time of year where evil is all around us. We have to put up with that because I am pretty sure they are not going away. (But I have stocked up just in case.)
Every year from about the end of February to the beginning of April I am an emotional wreck. Too many “anniversaries” of hard times and tradgedies. But maybe that is just an excuse.
The more I think about it, the more I realize. It must be them! Little cookie pushing enablers! Forget stress. Blame it on the Girl Scouts.
(more…)
Don’t Shake It!
February 18, 2004
Must everything be taken literally? I just feel so lost. So used. So misled! How can they do this to me?
Poloroid says that although you may like to “shake it like a Poloroid picture”, “In fact, shaking or waving can actually damage the image. Rapid movement during development can cause portions of the film to separate prematurely, or can cause ‘blobs’ in the picture.”
Oh sure, now they tell me. And here I have been “shakin’ it like a Polaroid picture” all this time when what I should’ve been doing is “laying it on a flat suface like a Polaroid picture.”
Damn.
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Tired Face
February 3, 2004
This morning I have Tired Face. You know Tired Face, don’t you? It’s those times when you are so tired, you barely have control of your facial muscles. Your mouth hangs slightly open when you are not aware of it. At times, your tongue rolls slightly to the side of your mouth. In rare instances, there may even bit a tiny smidgen of drool. You pretty much resemble a drunk who has suddenly been asked what the square root of pi is. Your eyes are so heavy you feel like you are squinting at everything, but you aren’t quite squinting because that would mean you had some control over your facial muscles and we’ve already established that you probably don’t. Now do you recognize Tired Face?
Yessir, that is me this morning. Not only do I look frightening, I am probably slurring my words a bit. Hubby is not so thrilled that I am not even trying to hide the fact that I have every intention of heading right back to my bed the very instant I return from taking the kids to school. Nope, not even pretending that I have plans to stay up and then sneaking off to the bedroom. Uh-unh. I am hoping to remember to take my shoes off first, but honestly, it isn’t even a priority at this point. When you have Tired Face, you just hit the sack as soon as you can.
Yes, he hates me for going back to bed. You probably do too. I’ll be sure to worry about that when I get up later.
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Hurt me!
January 27, 2004
“ouch”
“owie”
“Damn that hurts”
“I can’t move. It hurts.”
“Walking is no longer an option.”
“I just can’t go again!”
Yep. Rough day at the gym. What were you thinking?
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McD’s stands for McDeteriorate
January 22, 2004
Now come on, admit it. This doesn’t surprise you at all, now does it? A McDonald’s diet making someone’s body deteriorate and causing extreme vomitting? No way, dude. That food is so healthy!
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Call me, baby!
I found this over at Adelle’s at thought it was too funny not to share.
Need to give a phone number and just really don’t want to give your own?
Got a pesky person who just won’t go away and you don’t know how else to tell them to scram?
Got a PTAnal Mom who always bugs you and you need them to get a clue?
Just give them this number! 972-504-6270 (There is a website to see if they have a local number for your area.)
I love it! (Thanks Adelle. I needed the laugh!)
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Quiet a big chart you have there, sir!
January 13, 2004
This picture is wrong for just so many reasons.
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Fire up this pony and let’s ride!
It appears that Buddha is lusting after MY car.
(Okay, so it isn’t really my car. But ohhhh a girl can dream!)
Is this not sweeeeeet?!
I can see it now:
I rip into the car pool line (okay, more like file in like cattle because you really don’t want to face the wrath of the crossing guard, but still…) and I whip off my Oakley’s (okay, I really just have those cheap sunglasses I got on a road trip at a Texxaco, but still…) and beckon my perfect kids to my perfect car. My clean, well mannered kids will hop into the Mustang (okay, well, it will probably be more like cram themselves into the back seat gasping for air since they barely have room to breathe in and out, but still…). Off we will roar to our next fun road trip adventure (okay, it will probably just be the grocery store, but still…)
Yeah, my life is SO going to rock when I get that car!
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