No! Not the Barbie game!

March 19, 2004

There are just some days when I really should hire someone to play the role of Mom for me. Wouldn’t that be great if you could just dial up a number and order a Claire Huxstable or Donna Reed on those days that you just can’t muster up enough energy or desire to be the Mom.

Little Diva brought me her Barbies this afternoon wanting me to play with her.
“Mommy, what do you want to play?”
“How about nap? Can we play nap today?”
“Mommy, you can’t play nap!”
“Then you want to play ‘Brush Mommy’s hair?’?” Just anything but Shopping Barbie and Barbie from da Hood having a conversation, I think. I am SO not good at the whole Let’s Pretend That We Have Important Things To Say. I usually end up saying something along the lines of: “Hi, my name is Barbie. What is your name? Let’s go play with Daddy.” Yes, I know. I am terrible. I will sell him out to get out of the whole Barbie Talkfest.

Today was worse than normal. Today I have the chest congestion that feels like an avil has lodged itself in my lungs. So, of course I took some cold medicine. Non Drowsy. Which really just means, I won’t knock you out, but I will make you feel like you are underwater all day long in both the ways you move and the way you react. Needless to say, I really was not up for the game. So imagine my delight when Daddy came home early and I thought for sure I could go lay down in bed (at the very least, not be playing with the Barbies.)

Imagine my horror when he told me that he had to leave and wouldn’t be back for an hour or more.

So, you’ll have to excuse me, now. I need to go have some stimulating conversations with Barbie and just pray that either Daddy gets home soon or I can convince Barbie that she really wants to go talk to her brother. Maybe I will take another stab at the Let’s Play Nap game, too.
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Sickie Central

March 5, 2004

Sorry I haven’t been around much today. I was awakened at 4:00am by Kidlet Jr. standing over me saying he just threw up. Seeing as I just can’t cope with vomit, I did what any rational person would do. I woke up the midnight vomit cleaner. (Sorry dear.)

That poor, poor child has not gone more than 30 minutes without throwing up since. I feel helpless, exhausted and irritable.

Goodness. Is it 5:00 o’clock yet? Mommy needs some relief!

I have another long and more serious post that I wrote, but I am too tired to even finish. I will post it later. I want to get it on here tonight because tomorrow is a big day for me and I wanted to tell you all about it.

Anyway, if you need me, I will in my room, laying down waiting for the next round of clean-up duty.
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Bleeeeeeeeeep

March 4, 2004

This morning as I was pulling out of the driveway, I heard the distinct sound of my car running over something. So, as any good mother would say, I let loose with “What the hell was that?!”

Kidlet Jr. looked at me in all seriousness (yet not at all maliciously) saying, “Wouldn’t it be cool if we had one of those things like tv where I could just insert a bleeeep there?”

Yeah. I mean really. What can you say after that? (Certainly not damn.)

***So as to not leave inquiring minds hanging…it was a blue plastic swimming pool that I ran over (and wedged up underneath my car). No, not the inflatable kind. That hard plastic round kind with the neon fish design on the bottom of it that I didn’t even know you could buy anymore. No worries, though. I killed it!
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Nobody nose the trouble she’s seen

February 10, 2004

Little Diva has a new nickname. Given to her deservedly by her father. (Is deservedly a word? I mean, I use it, but is it really a word? I think it is. I could look it up, but why? I am sure if it isn’t a word, someone will tell me. So where was I? Oh yeah…the nickname.)

Her Daddy has been calling her Raisinette. Why? Well, because the little darling decided to shove a raisin up her nose today. Do you remember the whole shoe incident?

So I had to call Clint on his business partner’s phone because Clint didn’t have his. (It’s broken. Freakin’ phone)

me: “Hi. This is Jenn. I need to talk to Clint. Sorry to bother you on your phone, but I need to reach him. Is he there?
(waiting while a surprised Clint gets on the phone)
me: “Ummm, are you coming home for lunch anytime soon?”
him: (hesitantly) “Yesss. Why? What’s wrong?”
me: “Well, it is sort of your daughter. Well, ummm, you see… I was just wondering if you were going to come home because….”
him: “What did she do?”
me: “Well, it’s like this. She sort of shoved a raisin up her nose.”
Silence
More Silence
me: “Are you there?”
him: (sigh) “I’ll be home in a little while. (defeatedly) Tell her to stop that.”
me: “Yeah. I’ll get right on that.”

Why oh why does this little girl think that things belong up her nose? I mean, are we dealing with a little freak? A gorgeous freak, but a freak nevertheless. I have never had to deal with this sort of “typical toddler behavior” before. Three kids and a bazillion little kids around me in my lifetime. And now, I get the Nose Hoarder?! What’s up with that? (No pun intended!) It’s not like I can take her nose from her. I can’t very well tape it shut. I think I refuse to say “You are no longer permitted to shove anything up your nose.” That ranks up there with “Don’t bite the dog, sweetie.” I have had to say that already. It used up my allotment of Stupid Things Parents Must Say When Raising Kids.

How should I handle this? Who “nose” how I will handle this? (Get it?! NOSE instead of KNOWS. Yeah, it was a reach, but I was there and it had to be done. Forgive me.)

From now on only BIG shoes and Grapes. Nothing small enough to fit in a nose is permitted in this house. Ever. Until she goes to college.
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Kids say the meanest darndest things

January 15, 2004

Kidlet Sr: Who is Dr. Ruth?

*stammer stumble think think* (Why does he want to know and how has he heard this name?)

Me: She is a self proclaimed expert on sex. Why?
Kidlet Sr: Isn’t she old?
Me: Well, yes, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what she is talking about.
Kidlet Sr: You mean like you?
Me: Go to bed.
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Keep him!

January 9, 2004

So is it a really bad thing when the school nurse calls your home and the first thing you tell her (before she has a chance to say anything) is that she can keep whichever kidlet is sick because you just can’t handle anymore?
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Phone fun (not so much)

January 2, 2004

Excuse my little rant. I am not a fan of them, but here I go anyway.

First off, I am not a doctor. I don’t even play one of tv. So, I am not saying that I am smarter than anyone with “MD” behind his name. But I do know when my kid needs medical attention and I should at the very least be allowed to talk to a nurse reguarding his situation.

So perhaps if you are the receptionist answering the phone at a doctor’s office maybe you should actually listen to what someone is saying before dismissing them. I called this morning for Kidlet Jr. The conversation went something like this:

Nasty Receptionist (NR): “Quack Dr’s office, may I help you?”
Me: “Yes, I need to see if the doctor can somehow squeeze my son in today. You see…”
NR: “No. We have no openings.”
Me: “Yes, I am sure you are busy. It’s just that….”
NR: “How will Monday at 3:30pm work for you?”
Me: “Well, not very well. I think that I should at least talk to a nurse. May I talk to a nurse, please?”
NR: “Talking to a nurse will not get you an appointment. I make the appointments.”
Me: “I am ever so happy for you and your powertrip. However, I think that this is something that nurse should decide. You see he is bleeding…”
NR: “Bleeding is not something we consider an emergency.”
Me >”…from the ear!”
NRt: “Well, we still can’t see him until Monday. If he is still bleeding then, come in.”
Me: “So where should be be bleeding from for me to talk to a nurse??”
NR: “I don’t think we need to get sassy, ma’am.”
Me: CLICK

So, we have spent the day in the e.r., where at least they were nice.

Turns out the poor guy has an ear infection with a partially perforated eardrum. Thus the blood and the pain. He is calmly chilling out in the gameroom watching a movie. And he is as high as a kite on the Tylenol 3 the e.r. doctor gave him.

Perhaps tonight I will get some sleep. Have I ever mentioned what a royal bitch nasty person I can be without sleep? (I am not asking you, dear!)

I am going to go take a nap. If you need anything, just call Dr Quack’s receptionist. She seems to be real helpful! (more…)

Barbie from da ‘hood

December 30, 2003

Since we are talking about Christmas gifts, I had to share this. (Okay, I didn’t have to, but I really thought it was funny so I want to! It’s my blog. I can tell whatever stories I want!)

So, Little Diva gets this Barbie for Christmas.

The first words out of my mouth were “Hey! It’s a Barbie from the ‘hood!” (C’mon. You thought it too.)

See, Little Diva loves Barbies. The frilly ones. The ones like Swan Lake Barbie and Princess Frilly and Prissy Barbie and such. This one made me giggle in comparison.

Now, Little Diva has her own little song for her Barbie.

She walks struts around dancing and singing…. “Barbie from da ‘hood….oh baby…Barbie from da ‘hood”

It is so very hip. Trust me, I am as white as it comes. She didn’t get it from me.
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too hot to handle in this house

December 15, 2003

Spoke too soon about the kidlets’ fevers. Apparently, not wanting to be outdone, Little Diva decided to wake up from her nap with a raging 104.8 temp.

Yeah, we’re having big fun here.

Do you own stock in Advil? Might want to think about getting some. We’re going to boost their sales quite a bit this winter, I fear.

Going to go pretend that I am going to go to bed for the night. (When in fact I will be listening to every breath, cough, wheeze and sniffle from her room.)

Geez, you would think the media would’ve warned us that the flu was bad this year.
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Sick boy

December 13, 2003

Kidlet Sr. has the flu. I think. Yesterday, I picked him up from school early because he just wasn’t feeling like himself. No fever, but just not “right”. Last night, before bed, his temperature was up to 104. He is miserable. I am caught between wanting to find a little bubble to keep him in so that no one else gets it and wanting to let him just sleep on the couch with the rest of us since he just wants to be with me. (He may act tough and strong and try to assert his independence when he is well, but when he gets sick, he is still mommy’s little boy. Don’t tell him I said that.)

So for today, it is all about trying to get him well. Tomorrow is his brother’s birthday party and both boys are really looking forward to it. I would SO hate to make him miss it because he is sick. Ugh. Fingers crossed he loses the fever by tomorrow.
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