When you share a bed with the same person for 20 years, you establish some “unwritten rules” of behavior. For instance, it is not okay for me to wake Clint up to tell him about something I just thought of that was really funny. He will not find it amusing. Another example, it is not okay to wake me up to ask me if I am sleeping or what time I am planning on waking up. Simple things that keep a marriage going strong and prevent one from getting pushed out of bed when one least expects it.
I have a confession to make. One of these rules I break every chance I get.
You see, I have been banned from reading Janet Evanovich books in bed. Especially the Stephanie Plum series. Why Janet Evanovich? Because I “allegedly” wake him up every time I read these books in bed. Okay, I admit to laughing. Out loud. Sometimes I try to hold it in. That just results in me shaking the bed so hard it wakes him up simply because I am laughing so hard and trying not to make a noise so as to not wake him. Or it results in the loud laugh-snort. None of it works. I laugh. Out loud. Every time. Thus, the ban.
So last night I was ready. I came to bed as if everything was normal. I had my water (ahem Diet Coke), my phone and my book.
“Freeze!” He looks at me hard.
“What?” I mutter in my most demure manner.
I was ready. See, I am onto Clint. He knows the release date for the new Evanovich books. He had the nerve to think that I would blatantly bring in a new Plum novel. Ha! You see, I knew he might be looking for it so I did what any rational person in this situation would do. I put a Stuart Woods cover over the book so that it appeared to be a Stuart Woods book and not my forbidden fruit of hilariousness.
“What do you have?”
“Ummm, a drink, my phone and a book.” I held the book up for him to see. He looked doubtful but let it go.
I silently giggle and crawl into bed.
By the third page I am giggling and trying to hold it in. By the second chapter I am laughing out loud and trying to practically bite my pillow to resist.
“Hand it over.”
I jump. I thought he was asleep. “What? Huh? What book?”
He lays there with his hand outstretched waiting for me to hand over my book.
“That is SO unfair!” I pout and hand over the book.
“I cannot believe you thought you could sneak this past me. You know you laugh. You know you wake me up. Did you think your fake cover would work?”
“Well, actually, yes, I did. Let me get this clear: That book right there in your hand is off limits in bed. That book.”
I could see he was wondering where I was going with that. “This book and any of her books-paperback and hardback. One through 16.”
There was victory in his eyes as I rolled over and turned out the light.
As soon as he fell asleep, I reached for my book light & my Kindle. I giggled as I threw the covers over my head and began to read Sizzling Sixteen right where I left off when I handed over my book.
Silly man! He totally should have seen that one coming.
I tried it again tonight. He totally busted me when I started to giggle. I get my Kindle back at daybreak.
Scary than Friday the 13th. More real than Survivor. It’s Bib!
August 7, 2008
You thought I was kidding when I said I was afraid of the Michelin Man. I was so not kidding. In fact, thanks to the amazing photographic talents of my good friend, lawyermama, the moment that I tried to overcome my fear was caught moment by moment on film. Below the image collage is a play by play of the moment–with my personal commentary on each photo underneath the set.
Do not judge me. Or I will sent Bib to your house to…under inflate all of your tires. And that is BAD!
(photo set courtesy of lawyermama–who totally rocks!)
So here is the image by image captions:
1- Go ahead and put your hands out, Bib. I am not coming to you.
2- Okay, I will come, but I won’t like it.
3- LOOK! I am grabbing hands with you and you are not trying to smother me with your white rolls of Bib horror!
4- Awwww, see! I can hug you. I am totally okay.
5- Oh My Gawd! I hugged you! I have to go. NOW. YOU STAY!
6- Please save me! Don’t let him get me. Oh, the horrors of the puffy Michelin Man! Save me!
7- You people are horrible to traumatize me like this! I want my mommy.
8- Okay, seriously. I am not crying. There is something in my eye.
9- Well, maybe it was a little funny. See? Totally trying to laugh about it. (Still? NOT FUNNY!)
So there you go. I have outed myself as a total freak when it comes to the Michelin Man. Deal with it. At least my tires are fully inflated AND I got to drive like a professional driver on a closed course with Raymond.
Oh, and as a token of good will, I have and will keep my Bib (Michelin Man) keychain on my keys to remind me of our moments together. (Not like I will forget.)
Friends don’t let friends IM after midnight. Or do Wii?
June 13, 2008
I don’t sleep well at night. So sometimes I get online and find people to talk to. Some are okay with it. Some play “IM dead” and pretend they are not there rolling their eyes.
One of my favorite late night chatters is my totally awesome and completely cool roomie for BlogHer ‘07 and yes again this year for BlogHer ‘08 (cause I didn’t scare her off!) is Busy Mom. Yes, she does have a real name. She can tell you herself. The sad thing is? She has WiiNis envy. (rhymes with another phrase and is pronounced wee-nus envy.) It is happening all over the country from people who are without a Wii.
This woman is living totally old school. Like make you want to weep and donate to the cause old school. Check out how pathetically old school Busy Mom is and how she needs to step at least into the 21st century but definitely into this decade. See? Total WiiNis envy. (Or is it WiiNis Envii?)
This is one of our late night conversations. And, yes, the silly had hit but the fun stuck around.
Me: I wrote a post: “I Wii Pii’ed myself when - got my Wii Fit”
BusyMom: Hahahaha!
Busy Mom: Charge the family a Fii to use it, money problem solved
12:03 AM me: Good idea for Mii
Busy Mom: Or, you could just let it Bii
me: Drop PiiTiiA and Bii Frii
I Sii
12:04 AM Busy Mom: Hii Hii Hii
me: Gii you are funnii
Busy Mom: Tii Hii, humor is Kii
12:05 AM me: We will get you a Wii this summer. I will buy thii a Wii to play. I can Sii you are Kii to the lovah of thii Wii and will Bii Frii to send Thii a Wii
12:06 AM Busy Mom: Whoopii!!
me: Yeah I am done. Out. Finii
Busy Mom: LOL
12:07 AM me: Have wii crossed the line into crazii? Because if wii shared this, they would sii that wii are wacked crazii
Busy Mom: Li’lol Mii?
me: My brain doth exploded
12:08 AM Busy Mom: My screen is all gooii, thanks
me: Now go! Work. I need to sii about deadlines for mii also.
Busy Mom: If it were graded, I’d get a Dii
me:Bii Good!12:13 AM Busy Mom: Okii Dokii!me: Nite sweetieSweetiiSwiitiiBusy Mom: Hii, Hii, Mwah!12:14 AM Busii Mom, over and outme: Mommii needs coffii out
I do not know why some of you ignore me when I IM you late at night. That is kind of rude. Look at the fun you would have chatting.
Crazy is as crazy does videos and speaking of crazy, Mommybloggers is back and rocking the ‘Net
January 27, 2008
I have been sent a few links to “interview videos” this weekend that are awesome. I want so badly to share every one of them with you because with the exception of one that was serious, you would so get a kick out of the crazy! I love the crazy. Especially the couch jumping, I am out of my mind crazy kind of crazy. The things you can find online boggles the mind.
But, I will refrain from the video overload and just show you this brand of crazy.
If for some reason you have been living under a rock and missed the parody of the Tom Cruise Scientology Video, here is Jerry O’Connell doing a “it is so good it is scary” imitation.
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In other news, Mommybloggers is back and rocking the house. We have not officially relaunched as we have much to do, but you will find new content, new writers and new newness there. When we are ready to officially relaunch, we will let you know. It is a blast and we want you to enjoy it, too. Have ideas? Interested in being featured? Know a blogger who really wants to be a part of this? Feel free to send what you have in mind to me at jenn@mommybloggers.com I look forward to hearing from y’all.
Now scoot on over there to Mommybloggers and welcome Crystal aboard. She is awesome and has become my right hand woman. (And let Jenny know you miss her and blow her kisses as she asked to be on hiatus from the site for a while.)
You will slowly see the new writers and new features as we roll them out. So to speak. We aren’t really rolling anything over there. It is all legal.
Global Belly Laugh Day and Mom’s Birthday. What a match!
January 24, 2008
Today is my Mom’s birthday. This day usually hits me harder than the anniversary of when she died. I suppose because birthdays celebrate life. And my mom? She was so very full of life! She and laughter went hand in hand. Two years ago I was at a stage where I was searching for signs–any signs– that things would get better. That I could remember her life and not crumble into dust and blow away. It was around that time I got a wonderful email addressing that issue.
January 24, 2006 was the first celebration of the great gift of laughter. In June, 2005 I thought we celebrate love, give thanks. Why don’t we celebrate the great gift of laughter? Thus Belly Laugh Day was born. A day to celebrate past laughter and connect with positive laughter.
Yes, my friends, today is Global Belly Laugh Day!
On January 24, at 1:24 p.m. (local time)
smile, throw your arms in the air and laugh out loud!
It makes me smile that on my Mom’s birthday there is a real holiday (It is legit and actually listed in the 2008 Chase’s Calendar of Events published by McGraw Hill.) A day for laughter on the day one of the funniest people I know was born? Perfect.
Many thanks to Elaine for emailing me every year before this event to check up on me, tell me she is thinking of my mom on her birthday and to remind me to laugh. (I will be!)
Will you laugh with me? I could use the company. Join me! At 1:24pm (your local time) I want you to join in with me and throw your arms in the air and laugh out loud. Who cares who is looking. Laugh. They will join in. Maybe they will be laughing at you, but they will be laughing!
Now in case you just need a good laugh, rather than tell you a knock-knock joke, I will share this. Now come on…this should make you at the very least giggle.
