Is this thing on? Am I at the right reunion?
April 11, 2010
Have you ever been to your class reunion and looked around thinking:
1) How have they done so much in the same amount of time that I have done so little?
Or:
2) Why do these people look so young and I feel so old…Oh crap! I am in the wrong room! This is a 10 year reunion and OMG I am so not going to fit in here! Do I leave or just hang out and fake it?
Or even:
3) What if the don’t remember me? What if who I was and who I am now don’t fit in with my friends? Have I been so bad at keeping in touch that I am irrelevant and only made the list because ‘Hey, we have to invite everyone!’
Okay, maybe that isn’t the best analogy but it is how I feel about coming back to regular blogging. You see, I have been out of the game so long it feels weird just jumping in with a “Hey, y’all!” but at the same time, I miss blogging regularly. I miss the friendships that I have built. I miss the amazing feedback. I miss just coming here for fun and blogging and keeping it real. Here in my home I created 7 years ago. My online home. I’ve missed it.
I did what I promised myself I never would. I stopped blogging and let myself be censored by the people around me. I have always said and still stand behind the fact that I won’t say anything on my blog I won’t say to someone’s face. That will always be true. It’s just that the world has become a lot smaller.
There are people in my everyday life who would like nothing more than to see me screw up. I know more about the people around me and things they say than I let on. And out of fear of being too real, too raw or too open, I have in effect allowed those people to muzzle me.
Not anymore.
I have too many things to share. I love my blogging too much. I have made too many amazing connections. I won’t let anyone take that away from me.
So, here I am. Ready. Real. And Raw. Think you can handle it? If not, just move along so that the rest of us can enjoy ourselves and I can get back to the business of being me.
To quote one of my favorite authors and philosophical gurus, Dr. Seuss:
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”
Posted by Jenn @
4:15 am |
It’s time to find what was lost and build what was broken.
January 1, 2010
I knew it was happening. I could feel it. I could see it. Sometimes you know. Yet, even knowing doesn’t mean you can do anything about it. Maybe it started when Mom died. Maybe it started before then. I don’t know. But it really came to fruition in 2009. I lost myself. I lost who I was. I lost the core of what made me a happy, healthy person. I really don’t think it is important to know when or why or even how. What matters is that I finally reached yet another rock bottom where I have to make changes. And? I am going to make this the year that I do it. Why this year? No reason except…I absolutely have to do it. For me. For my kids. For my husband. For my friends. But honestly, it is really for me.
I guess you could say I lost my way in a few areas: Blogging, personally, writing. They all intertwine so when one goes south, it can carry the rest with them.
I will start with the most obvious one to those of you who are reading this.
Blogging
Wow. The face of blogging has changed so dramatically I couldn’t even find the words for it if I tried. (And I have tried.) You see, way back in the stone ages (like 1990), I helped my husband with a BBS. That was what I knew of the Interwebs. I loved it. I could sit in the comfort of my house and actually talk to people that were in their house. Amazing. We had games, forums and chats. I loved it! By 1993, I was learning more about what was out there and saw that it was more than just for tech geeks. In 1995/96, I learned the wonder of online journals. (Thank you Al Gore for inventing the amazing Internet!) I had a sleepless baby which led to many nights of feedings and surfing. It was then that I branched away from what my husband was doing and started my own online journal. After time, it morphed into a website with real live links to other websites. I was connected, baby! I kept my website and journal going in one form or another for years.
It was in 2003 that I started what you find here: Mommy Needs Coffee. From Blogger to my own url, I had found my very own space on the Internet. I loved it! I wrote stories about my kids, my life, my observations on both and people came. They actually showed up and read what I had to write. Which of course led me to their blogs where I read what they had to say and commented. It was a small but fun community. A blogger get together meant you all showed up to chat and “hang out” online. You knew that other bloggers had your back when it came to haters. It was fun. I knew where I fit in to the small part of the big picture.
I blogged on while others quit.
I blogged on when there was a huge controversy over whether or not to accept ads.
I blogged on when the term “mommyblogger” was synonymous with fluff and narcissism. I still knew who I was and where I belonged.
I blogged on through the “review or not review” controversy. I blogged because to me it was gratifying and gave me a wonderful outlet for my writing, my thoughts and my silliness. Through my blogging I found friends, jobs and an agent. I also lost friends. Sometimes the written word can do more damage than good. But through it all, I knew who I was and where I belonged. Though the landscape had changed, the core was the same. Many of us who were blogging for a long time felt the growing pains but blogged on.
And then came the Big Change. I don’t really know when the big change actually occurred or what caused the massive shift in blogging, but it shook the core of blogging to the roots. Are you a review blogger or a writing blogger? Are you both? Can you be both? Do you have content that is yours or paid for content? Can I trust you or are you being paid to say what you say? Where are the stories? Where is the writing that drew me into this amazing blogging world?
More than once I tried to express myself but it was shouting into the wind. The noise level was too high. The chatter was too loud. Old voices were drowned out. At least I felt mine was. I no longer knew where my place in the blogging world was. I was a mom. I blogged. I helped bring respect to the term “mommyblogger” with both my writing and the mommybloggers.com site. Yet, I could not identify with what was not being called “mommyblogger” in the crazy changes taking place. It was all about reviews and blogger junkets and what trips you were invited on and what speaking engagements or sponsorships you could garner. It was insanity.
At least it was from the point of view from someone who had been at this for so long. Yes, I was invited on some blogger junkets. I did go when it worked for my family. When it did not, I would have to pass and offer up a name or two of someone who would be able to go and enjoy it. Yes, I did reviews for products I could use and enjoy. And, yes, I did enjoy that, too. I am not against any of that. It was just that somewhere in there the writing, the stories, the real life of the bloggers became over-shadowed. I missed reading stories.
Let’s not even get into the pressure to measure up.
“Were you invited to ______ junket?”
“Did you get an invite to go to Disney?”
“Were you asked to be on this panel of experts?”
“Did you get a free ______?”
What?
Had it become a competition? What are the rules? Where is the master list of A-Listers who go on these things? Do I need to pursue these PR reps or just hope they find me? What about my SEO? Where do I rank? Why isn’t that company talking to me? Push! Push! Push! Get out there so everyone knows your blog! Get known so you can go on trips! Become an expert in mommyblogging so every PR firm in the country wants you!
What?
I was lost. All I wanted to do was write and enjoy the writing of others. Yes, of course the trips, the games, the products, the gaming systems and other things I was honored to review are an awesome perk IN ADDITION TO the writing. But where did an old school blogger who just wanted to write and enjoy it fit in? SEO meant nothing to me. Getting aggressive and going after sponsorships for conferences was foreign to me. Telling a PR rep that I should go on his/her junket felt rude to me. Suddenly, I just didn’t fit in to the very genre that I help give a good name to when it was once just mud. Now what?
I stopped blogging. I couldn’t find my voice. Do I write for the readers, the PR reps, the possible job offers? Could I just write my blog the way I have always written my blog and not get lost in all of the noise and chaos that was around me? I have seen good friends of mine who have been at this blogging gig as long as I have succeed. They write a good blog and get invited to junkets and do reviews. They found their place. Why couldn’t I find mine?
So I stopped blogging.
Then, for reasons I will never know but am more thankful for than I could put into words, I was contacted for a blogger opportunity in DC. I had not blogged in ages. In fact, I almost turned it down. Thankfully, my good friend Dave would not give up on me and just flat out booked my ticket for me. He may never know what that meant to me. Forced into a situation where I wanted to go and felt that I should go, I actually embraced this blogger junket with excitement (and a bit of trepidation). I was not on anyone’s A-list anymore. I was no longer a blogger with a name. I was just a blogger who may or may not update that very few people really knew about or read. But somewhere deep inside I knew that I absolutely had to go on this trip. I had to go.
It was on this trip to DC that I met with the president of A Partnership for a Drug Free America, lobbyists on Capitol Hill, Senators, Congressman, the Five Moms (whom I have met and worked with for a few years already) and, yes, Dr. Drew Pinsky.
That one trip changed everything. Everything. How is it that one person (though so very qualified in his field and so very used to dealing with addicts and the bullshit and baggage they throw down) could meet me, have a few conversations with me and then say to me the very things I HAD to hear? Not things I wanted to hear or would benefit from hearing, but the very things I HAD to hear to move forward. That one trip– and it came through my blog– was life changing.
And? It made me question the things I do and why I do them. Including blogging. (And writing.) I can’t share what he said to me. Not yet. But trust me when I say that after almost 10 years in recovery, no one has ever nailed down my issues as fast, as accurately and as matter-of-fact as Dr. Drew did. He really hit a spot that not only no one else has hit, no one else has even seemed to see it.
It made a difference. A huge difference.
It made me stop and think.
Where do I fit in?
Do I want to fit in?
Is there a place for someone so old school as myself?
Can I still do this and be true to myself and what I want out of a blog?
Do I blog for me or for the new faces in the crowd that may be watching/reading/taking note?
The answer took a long time in coming. (Which is one of the reasons I have been so quiet here.)
I blog for me.
For me.
Me.
If someone thinks it is good and wants to comment, I love that! If a PR rep thinks I am a good fit for their product or junket, we will talk. If someone out there likes what I have to say well enough to add me to some random list of “Top Bloggers”, then that is up to them.
For now, this blog, this writing, these stories are for me.
If you enjoy them, that makes my heart so happy. If you don’t, there are so many blogs out there I am sure you will find one you enjoy. However, for now, I shall make this blog what it once was: My outlet. My place to share stories and observations on life, love and motherhood. I hope you stick around but if you don’t, I understand. Old school blogging and story telling isn’t for everyone.
But it is for me.
Are you ready for the ride? I am!
Posted by Jenn @
3:06 am |
Back to Blogging, Back to Basics
July 12, 2009
I know after a long blogging absence most bloggers will write something like “I am sorry it has been so long” or “I missed blogging so much!” or something along those lines.
The truth?
I didn’t miss blogging.
I have been off the grid (with the exception of occasional Facebook or rare Twitter and of course I have had my weekly online column for Parenting) and it has felt good. I so needed a break from the … how do I put this? I needed a break from the drama and crap that seemed to have swirled around the mommyblogging world. (Review or don’t review. Ads or no ads. Tranparency or no transparency. Sponsorship or no sponsorship. Enough!) So, I just unplugged and enjoyed life without worrying about my site, my ranks, review opporunities etc. I just unplugged.
So what did I do?
Well, I enjoyed a week’s worth of this:
During the day I was able to relax and just enjoy the calmness of life. I was able to actually find peace here:
When it was too hot to play in the sun and surf, I hung out with these fun people:
I can’t tell you how much I needed time away from everything that was reality based. It was good for my mental health and good for me to find peace that I am going to need for the upcoming months. (Though, I am ready to go back and find my Zen on the beach again!)
If you emailed me and I never responded, I apologize. I had well over 1,100 emails when I got back and I am sure I missed more than a few. I am sorry. If I owe you a phone call and have not gotten back to you, don’t hesitate to call me or shoot me another email telling me to get on the ball. I know I have been out of touch at times that it was tough for others. But for me? It was a break I had to have!
Now? I am working my tail off until BlogHer. Which I hear is just around the corner.
That’s right. I am going to BlogHer. I figured after being there every year, how can I miss the 5th anniversary? The answer is, I can’t! There is so much going on in such a few short days. (Hello? Nintendo? Remember me and all the work I did for you? The friendships? The whole tattoo with “I heart Nintendo” just for you? Looking for your email! I’m just sayin! *grin*) Anyway, I am really looking forward to seeing some old friends and catching up. I look forward to making new friends and learning about bloggers I have only read online. And? I look forward to laughing with some absolutely amazing women. Because I have some of my best laughs while I am at BlogHer. (Are you going? Let me know!)
Until then, it is work, work, work. (And daydreaming about the beach!)
So, I am back baby. I can’t tell you how often I will blog or what I will blog about because I am taking it as it comes. Here you have it. Hope you stick around.
Posted by Jenn @
2:52 pm |
Why do I still blog after all these years and can I still love it?
February 27, 2009
I have a confession to make. This whole blogging thing has beaten me down lately. Can you believe I have been at this for almost 6 years? I can see how it has taken a downward slide lately. I was talking to an old friend of mine who mentioned that I just don’t update as often and he missed reading it. We talked about how it used to make him either laugh, think or just get a glimpse into my life. You know what? I miss that blog, too. I thought maybe I fell out of love with blogging and was ready to move on, but that just isn’t how I really feel. I really enjoy writing over at Parenting because I get a chance– the freedom– to do what I love to do: tell stories. Maybe the chance to make someone laugh or think. Or just laugh because thinking can be overrated.
I have been talking to friends of mine who have been at this for a few years as well and they have felt it, too. And it isn’t just burn out. I don’t think it is all about how much things have changed either. Though, that is a lot of it. Back “in the day” when some of us started blogging it was story telling and commenting and hanging out on each others’ blogs to share our lives and stories. SEO? What is the world was that? Reviews? That was just when we laughed at someone else’s stupid typos in a post. Blogging trips? That was when you went to another blogger’s home to visit. It was just different. It’s not like I am sitting in a rocking chair talking about the good old days and yelling at the new bloggers to get off of my lawn. Change happens. “Blogging just isn’t as easy as it used to be.”
I am at a turning point in this whole thing. I either remember why I love blogging and get to it or I play the game that the new wave of blogging has become or I quit. Well, let’s just say upfront that quitting is not an option for me. I love writing. I love telling stories. I love my corner of the Internet– cobwebs and all. But phoning it in and posting only because I am being told I have to by someone else who has no interest in my blog but in my pageviews or even just writing to say “Hey, look! I have a blog!” are not acceptable to me anymore. Write or get off the blog.
And then my dorkner-in-crime wrote such a brilliant post that I am going to cut it paste it right here.
No. Not really.
(more…)
Posted by Jenn @
12:29 pm |
I fixed the blog and now it adds “image” to the title? Huh?
April 13, 2008
Anyone know why it does this? I mean really! I work on those witty (hey, at midnight they are witty) titles. I don’t want it to start with “-image-”
Ideas?
My blog hates me. I am SO sleeping with one eye open tonight to ensure it doesn’t kill me in my sleep.
[UPDATE] Okay, now I know what the problem is but I cannot fix it. I am about to just change to a default theme and make my sweet designer cry over her hard work. Because? Between me and this blog? IT IS ON! (Like Donkey Kong….only meaner. And with less bananas.)
Going to bed. Sorry about the annoying titles. Just pretend to see a pretty image until I can fix it. Grrrrrr
[UPDATED UPDATE] My webgoddess designer Karen at Swank fixed it. No blog ass kicking today. Yet.
Posted by Jenn @
11:55 pm |
