It’s time to find what was lost and build what was broken.
January 1, 2010
I knew it was happening. I could feel it. I could see it. Sometimes you know. Yet, even knowing doesn’t mean you can do anything about it. Maybe it started when Mom died. Maybe it started before then. I don’t know. But it really came to fruition in 2009. I lost myself. I lost who I was. I lost the core of what made me a happy, healthy person. I really don’t think it is important to know when or why or even how. What matters is that I finally reached yet another rock bottom where I have to make changes. And? I am going to make this the year that I do it. Why this year? No reason except…I absolutely have to do it. For me. For my kids. For my husband. For my friends. But honestly, it is really for me.
I guess you could say I lost my way in a few areas: Blogging, personally, writing. They all intertwine so when one goes south, it can carry the rest with them.
I will start with the most obvious one to those of you who are reading this.
Blogging
Wow. The face of blogging has changed so dramatically I couldn’t even find the words for it if I tried. (And I have tried.) You see, way back in the stone ages (like 1990), I helped my husband with a BBS. That was what I knew of the Interwebs. I loved it. I could sit in the comfort of my house and actually talk to people that were in their house. Amazing. We had games, forums and chats. I loved it! By 1993, I was learning more about what was out there and saw that it was more than just for tech geeks. In 1995/96, I learned the wonder of online journals. (Thank you Al Gore for inventing the amazing Internet!) I had a sleepless baby which led to many nights of feedings and surfing. It was then that I branched away from what my husband was doing and started my own online journal. After time, it morphed into a website with real live links to other websites. I was connected, baby! I kept my website and journal going in one form or another for years.
It was in 2003 that I started what you find here: Mommy Needs Coffee. From Blogger to my own url, I had found my very own space on the Internet. I loved it! I wrote stories about my kids, my life, my observations on both and people came. They actually showed up and read what I had to write. Which of course led me to their blogs where I read what they had to say and commented. It was a small but fun community. A blogger get together meant you all showed up to chat and “hang out” online. You knew that other bloggers had your back when it came to haters. It was fun. I knew where I fit in to the small part of the big picture.
I blogged on while others quit.
I blogged on when there was a huge controversy over whether or not to accept ads.
I blogged on when the term “mommyblogger” was synonymous with fluff and narcissism. I still knew who I was and where I belonged.
I blogged on through the “review or not review” controversy. I blogged because to me it was gratifying and gave me a wonderful outlet for my writing, my thoughts and my silliness. Through my blogging I found friends, jobs and an agent. I also lost friends. Sometimes the written word can do more damage than good. But through it all, I knew who I was and where I belonged. Though the landscape had changed, the core was the same. Many of us who were blogging for a long time felt the growing pains but blogged on.
And then came the Big Change. I don’t really know when the big change actually occurred or what caused the massive shift in blogging, but it shook the core of blogging to the roots. Are you a review blogger or a writing blogger? Are you both? Can you be both? Do you have content that is yours or paid for content? Can I trust you or are you being paid to say what you say? Where are the stories? Where is the writing that drew me into this amazing blogging world?
More than once I tried to express myself but it was shouting into the wind. The noise level was too high. The chatter was too loud. Old voices were drowned out. At least I felt mine was. I no longer knew where my place in the blogging world was. I was a mom. I blogged. I helped bring respect to the term “mommyblogger” with both my writing and the mommybloggers.com site. Yet, I could not identify with what was not being called “mommyblogger” in the crazy changes taking place. It was all about reviews and blogger junkets and what trips you were invited on and what speaking engagements or sponsorships you could garner. It was insanity.
At least it was from the point of view from someone who had been at this for so long. Yes, I was invited on some blogger junkets. I did go when it worked for my family. When it did not, I would have to pass and offer up a name or two of someone who would be able to go and enjoy it. Yes, I did reviews for products I could use and enjoy. And, yes, I did enjoy that, too. I am not against any of that. It was just that somewhere in there the writing, the stories, the real life of the bloggers became over-shadowed. I missed reading stories.
Let’s not even get into the pressure to measure up.
“Were you invited to ______ junket?”
“Did you get an invite to go to Disney?”
“Were you asked to be on this panel of experts?”
“Did you get a free ______?”
What?
Had it become a competition? What are the rules? Where is the master list of A-Listers who go on these things? Do I need to pursue these PR reps or just hope they find me? What about my SEO? Where do I rank? Why isn’t that company talking to me? Push! Push! Push! Get out there so everyone knows your blog! Get known so you can go on trips! Become an expert in mommyblogging so every PR firm in the country wants you!
What?
I was lost. All I wanted to do was write and enjoy the writing of others. Yes, of course the trips, the games, the products, the gaming systems and other things I was honored to review are an awesome perk IN ADDITION TO the writing. But where did an old school blogger who just wanted to write and enjoy it fit in? SEO meant nothing to me. Getting aggressive and going after sponsorships for conferences was foreign to me. Telling a PR rep that I should go on his/her junket felt rude to me. Suddenly, I just didn’t fit in to the very genre that I help give a good name to when it was once just mud. Now what?
I stopped blogging. I couldn’t find my voice. Do I write for the readers, the PR reps, the possible job offers? Could I just write my blog the way I have always written my blog and not get lost in all of the noise and chaos that was around me? I have seen good friends of mine who have been at this blogging gig as long as I have succeed. They write a good blog and get invited to junkets and do reviews. They found their place. Why couldn’t I find mine?
So I stopped blogging.
Then, for reasons I will never know but am more thankful for than I could put into words, I was contacted for a blogger opportunity in DC. I had not blogged in ages. In fact, I almost turned it down. Thankfully, my good friend Dave would not give up on me and just flat out booked my ticket for me. He may never know what that meant to me. Forced into a situation where I wanted to go and felt that I should go, I actually embraced this blogger junket with excitement (and a bit of trepidation). I was not on anyone’s A-list anymore. I was no longer a blogger with a name. I was just a blogger who may or may not update that very few people really knew about or read. But somewhere deep inside I knew that I absolutely had to go on this trip. I had to go.
It was on this trip to DC that I met with the president of A Partnership for a Drug Free America, lobbyists on Capitol Hill, Senators, Congressman, the Five Moms (whom I have met and worked with for a few years already) and, yes, Dr. Drew Pinsky.
That one trip changed everything. Everything. How is it that one person (though so very qualified in his field and so very used to dealing with addicts and the bullshit and baggage they throw down) could meet me, have a few conversations with me and then say to me the very things I HAD to hear? Not things I wanted to hear or would benefit from hearing, but the very things I HAD to hear to move forward. That one trip– and it came through my blog– was life changing.
And? It made me question the things I do and why I do them. Including blogging. (And writing.) I can’t share what he said to me. Not yet. But trust me when I say that after almost 10 years in recovery, no one has ever nailed down my issues as fast, as accurately and as matter-of-fact as Dr. Drew did. He really hit a spot that not only no one else has hit, no one else has even seemed to see it.
It made a difference. A huge difference.
It made me stop and think.
Where do I fit in?
Do I want to fit in?
Is there a place for someone so old school as myself?
Can I still do this and be true to myself and what I want out of a blog?
Do I blog for me or for the new faces in the crowd that may be watching/reading/taking note?
The answer took a long time in coming. (Which is one of the reasons I have been so quiet here.)
I blog for me.
For me.
Me.
If someone thinks it is good and wants to comment, I love that! If a PR rep thinks I am a good fit for their product or junket, we will talk. If someone out there likes what I have to say well enough to add me to some random list of “Top Bloggers”, then that is up to them.
For now, this blog, this writing, these stories are for me.
If you enjoy them, that makes my heart so happy. If you don’t, there are so many blogs out there I am sure you will find one you enjoy. However, for now, I shall make this blog what it once was: My outlet. My place to share stories and observations on life, love and motherhood. I hope you stick around but if you don’t, I understand. Old school blogging and story telling isn’t for everyone.
I know after a long blogging absence most bloggers will write something like “I am sorry it has been so long” or “I missed blogging so much!” or something along those lines.
The truth?
I didn’t miss blogging.
I have been off the grid (with the exception of occasional Facebook or rare Twitter and of course I have had my weekly online column for Parenting) and it has felt good. I so needed a break from the … how do I put this? I needed a break from the drama and crap that seemed to have swirled around the mommyblogging world. (Review or don’t review. Ads or no ads. Tranparency or no transparency. Sponsorship or no sponsorship. Enough!) So, I just unplugged and enjoyed life without worrying about my site, my ranks, review opporunities etc. I just unplugged.
So what did I do?
Well, I enjoyed a week’s worth of this:
During the day I was able to relax and just enjoy the calmness of life. I was able to actually find peace here:
When it was too hot to play in the sun and surf, I hung out with these fun people:
I can’t tell you how much I needed time away from everything that was reality based. It was good for my mental health and good for me to find peace that I am going to need for the upcoming months. (Though, I am ready to go back and find my Zen on the beach again!)
If you emailed me and I never responded, I apologize. I had well over 1,100 emails when I got back and I am sure I missed more than a few. I am sorry. If I owe you a phone call and have not gotten back to you, don’t hesitate to call me or shoot me another email telling me to get on the ball. I know I have been out of touch at times that it was tough for others. But for me? It was a break I had to have!
Now? I am working my tail off until BlogHer. Which I hear is just around the corner.
That’s right. I am going to BlogHer. I figured after being there every year, how can I miss the 5th anniversary? The answer is, I can’t! There is so much going on in such a few short days. (Hello? Nintendo? Remember me and all the work I did for you? The friendships? The whole tattoo with “I heart Nintendo” just for you? Looking for your email! I’m just sayin! *grin*) Anyway, I am really looking forward to seeing some old friends and catching up. I look forward to making new friends and learning about bloggers I have only read online. And? I look forward to laughing with some absolutely amazing women. Because I have some of my best laughs while I am at BlogHer. (Are you going? Let me know!)
Until then, it is work, work, work. (And daydreaming about the beach!)
So, I am back baby. I can’t tell you how often I will blog or what I will blog about because I am taking it as it comes. Here you have it. Hope you stick around.
Why do I still blog after all these years and can I still love it?
February 27, 2009
I have a confession to make. This whole blogging thing has beaten me down lately. Can you believe I have been at this for almost 6 years? I can see how it has taken a downward slide lately. I was talking to an old friend of mine who mentioned that I just don’t update as often and he missed reading it. We talked about how it used to make him either laugh, think or just get a glimpse into my life. You know what? I miss that blog, too. I thought maybe I fell out of love with blogging and was ready to move on, but that just isn’t how I really feel. I really enjoy writing over at Parenting because I get a chance– the freedom– to do what I love to do: tell stories. Maybe the chance to make someone laugh or think. Or just laugh because thinking can be overrated.
I have been talking to friends of mine who have been at this for a few years as well and they have felt it, too. And it isn’t just burn out. I don’t think it is all about how much things have changed either. Though, that is a lot of it. Back “in the day” when some of us started blogging it was story telling and commenting and hanging out on each others’ blogs to share our lives and stories. SEO? What is the world was that? Reviews? That was just when we laughed at someone else’s stupid typos in a post. Blogging trips? That was when you went to another blogger’s home to visit. It was just different. It’s not like I am sitting in a rocking chair talking about the good old days and yelling at the new bloggers to get off of my lawn. Change happens. “Blogging just isn’t as easy as it used to be.”
I am at a turning point in this whole thing. I either remember why I love blogging and get to it or I play the game that the new wave of blogging has become or I quit. Well, let’s just say upfront that quitting is not an option for me. I love writing. I love telling stories. I love my corner of the Internet– cobwebs and all. But phoning it in and posting only because I am being told I have to by someone else who has no interest in my blog but in my pageviews or even just writing to say “Hey, look! I have a blog!” are not acceptable to me anymore. Write or get off the blog.
And then my dorkner-in-crime wrote such a brilliant post that I am going to cut it paste it right here.
I fixed the blog and now it adds “image” to the title? Huh?
April 13, 2008
Anyone know why it does this? I mean really! I work on those witty (hey, at midnight they are witty) titles. I don’t want it to start with “-image-”
Ideas?
My blog hates me. I am SO sleeping with one eye open tonight to ensure it doesn’t kill me in my sleep.
[UPDATE] Okay, now I know what the problem is but I cannot fix it. I am about to just change to a default theme and make my sweet designer cry over her hard work. Because? Between me and this blog? IT IS ON! (Like Donkey Kong….only meaner. And with less bananas.)
Going to bed. Sorry about the annoying titles. Just pretend to see a pretty image until I can fix it. Grrrrrr
[UPDATED UPDATE] My webgoddess designer Karen at Swank fixed it. No blog ass kicking today. Yet.
Crazy is as crazy does videos and speaking of crazy, Mommybloggers is back and rocking the ‘Net
January 27, 2008
I have been sent a few links to “interview videos” this weekend that are awesome. I want so badly to share every one of them with you because with the exception of one that was serious, you would so get a kick out of the crazy! I love the crazy. Especially the couch jumping, I am out of my mind crazy kind of crazy. The things you can find online boggles the mind.
But, I will refrain from the video overload and just show you this brand of crazy.
If for some reason you have been living under a rock and missed the parody of the Tom Cruise Scientology Video, here is Jerry O’Connell doing a “it is so good it is scary” imitation.
—
In other news, Mommybloggers is back and rocking the house. We have not officially relaunched as we have much to do, but you will find new content, new writers and new newness there. When we are ready to officially relaunch, we will let you know. It is a blast and we want you to enjoy it, too. Have ideas? Interested in being featured? Know a blogger who really wants to be a part of this? Feel free to send what you have in mind to me at jenn@mommybloggers.com I look forward to hearing from y’all.
Now scoot on over there to Mommybloggers and welcome Crystal aboard. She is awesome and has become my right hand woman. (And let Jenny know you miss her and blow her kisses as she asked to be on hiatus from the site for a while.)
You will slowly see the new writers and new features as we roll them out. So to speak. We aren’t really rolling anything over there. It is all legal.
Monetizing your blog–starting your mom blog (Part VII)
October 4, 2007
Before I do a final wrap-up of starting your mom blog, I think it is important to go where many bloggers eventually find themselves. Do you put ads on your blog or not? There have been some amazing discussions about this over the past week and again at BlogHer. So, let’s hit this one head on and talk about it.
Last week MetroDad started a discussion on what he felt was a “throw away post” on ads on blogs that began to take on a life of its own. He didn’t expect it to become an issue that would have other people put him up as the “anti-ad” blogger. (For the record, he is not anti-ad.) In his original post he writes about it.
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But you know the omnipresence of advertising in our daily lives is getting out of hand when parents start auctioning off naming rights for their unborn babies and college girls start tattooing corporate logos on their breasts.
As usual, I’m not passing judgment on any personal bloggers who feel the need to post ads on their site. Advertising is a biological impulse found throughout the natural world. Peacocks attract the attention of a mate through a multicolored feather display. Baboons signal their sexual readiness with a pair of red, swollen buttocks.
This all came about from a post by mimi smartypants in which she stated shock at seeing a huge blinking ad on the site of one of her favorite bloggers. And did not like it.
My point is more that, through my lame, idealistic, aging-punk, Diaryland-colored glasses, I have a hard time seeing personal web pages as a business. There is something so cool about getting to read the thoughts of people I have never met, and then over there in the sidebar is this big honking ad for a multi-billion-dollar corporation, and that punctures the pleasure balloon somewhat. Ads are fucking everywhere. It would be nice to see just a sliver of handcrafted, non-commercial, free-to-all, personal-expression space in the world, even if just on the internet.
Let me be perfectly clear, though, that both of these bloggers have come out and said that it is their opinion and they don’t care what people do on their own sites, but that they do not want it on their own. MetroDad states:
Not sure how the previous throwaway post morphed into me being against people having ads on their own blogs. As befitting my long-standing philosophy of “live and let live,” I really couldn’t give a shit what other people do with their own sites.
And mimi smartypants said:
It probably doesn’t make me like the writing any less, assuming I liked it in the first place… but it somehow disappoints…I have a family to support too, by the way. And I’m not all pissed off about the ads on blogs, I clearly said that if it floats your boat, then fine. I am, however, very tired of advertising.
As I said, it can get quite heated. However, as anything, there are two sides to every story.
When Liz of Mom 101 asked about ads, she received plenty of positive feedback in her comments. (I cannot link to the authors because they led to dead links, but I encourage you to go to Liz’s site and read all of them for yourself.)
Amanda wrote:
I adore blog ads. They pay us for doing what we love and it just doesn’t get any better than that. Maybe I’m a naive little capitalist, but isn’t that what the free market is all about? People who do what they do well should be rewarded for it.
David wrote:
It’s your blog, do what you want. If someone doesn’t want to read your blog because of ads, that’s fine too. I think this stuff has a way of working itself out.
Some great questions came up at the BlogHer session Professional Blogging Art and Commerce. Rather than try to recap, I will show you what Anne Marie Nichols of The Write Spot live blogged. It is worth reading in it’s entirety.
Questions: What should bloggers think about before joining an ad network? What other things are out there besides using ads to monetize your blog?
Liz - the authenticity of your voice - are you going to compromise it? Will you tick off your readers (ask for what they don’t like and do like.) Are you running so many ads that it looks like a billboard? How do you feel about it?
Even so, running ads give your blog a professional status especially if you’re part of an ad network, like BlogHer’s or using BlogAds.com.
Do the ads fit in with your content? Can you turn down an ad if you don’t like the advertiser - you need right of refusal.
Kelly - You’ll get a 1099 from your ad or blog network when you make more than $600. If it’s lower than that, you need to keep track of it - write it down a piece of paper. Only report money you’ve received (for example, if you haven’t met your payout threshold).
Liz - If you’re not making that much money from the ads, take them down. You’re worth more than that. Don’t give away free real estate on your blog.
You can see both sides if you go through these posts where I linked.
Have ads. Don’t have ads. It is your personal choice. That is all there is to it. No one is wrong. No one is right. Can you make money off of your blog if you join an ad network such as BlogHer Ads? Of course you can. It is YOUR choice to make. There will not be an Internet wide vote cast as to whether you personally should have ads on your site. If you have quality writing, that is what your readers will come to your site to read.
As a matter of full disclosure, I am one of the founding members of the BlogHer Ad Network’s premium parenting network and do not regret it. I have been approached by several other networks and chose the one I am with for personal reasons. As I said, personal choice. I have it. You have it.
So, decide if ads are for you and then sign up if they are. Choice.
In our final post on Mom blogs I will wrap it all up with a pretty red bow and tell you how amazing you all are and how much I love you. Oh, and may impart some wisdom. We’ll see.
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~Jenn is off to fast forward through her tv ads during Big Brother on her DVR that her ads on her blog helps her pay for.~
Now that I blog, how will anyone ever know about it? -Part VI of starting a mom blog
Now that you are rocking and rolling with your new blog, it is time to figure out how to get people to (a) realize that you are blogging and (b) get visitors to come see your amazing writing skills. There are a few tried and true ways to get traffic your way. From comments to web-rings to communities. Your writing will keep them coming back, but you have to get them to your blog first.
The best way to reach out and let others know about your blog is to read other blogs and make comments. Seriously. That is the best way to not only meet new people, but to let them know what you appreciate about their writing as well. (We all like the feedback on our writing, correct?) A mutual admiration society, so to speak.
Take this series for example. Throughout this series I have found many new bloggers simply because they have commented on my entries. Heather of Rookie Moms, Terri of Wheat Among Tares, Kyran of Notes to Self, Jeana of Days to Come, lovebabz of A Life in Transition and finally Karen of A Deaf Mom Shares Her World–though that list is certainly not complete. Many of you have made comments and through those I have found some amazing new blogs! What is my point? When you take the time to comment, the majority of bloggers will come visit your blog. So comment, comment, comment. (Did I mention you should comment?) Also, when you have readers comment on your blog, it is a good idea–especially when you are new to blogging– is to respond. Some bloggers choose to respond in their own comments and some email the commenters back. I know it is time consuming, but it does pay off in making blogging friends and connections.
Another way to get links that will lead readers your way is to join a web-ring. A web-ring is a list of blogs that have something in common. Take for instance Crazy Hip Blog Mamas. They are a great group of bloggers that lead a very popular web-ring of moms who blog.
Our members are an amazing group of women who have tackled various tasks, platforms and charity events. We wanted to offer an oppurtunity for each of you to be profiled with your latest undertaking.
Another one that is great to join and meet other bloggers is The Mom Blogs.
Our goal at theMomBlogs.com is to create the most comprehensive directory of blogs by moms. Our directory has several different categories to help moms find the most relevant type of blog they are looking for and we have state/country categories also to help find other mom bloggers near you.
The purpose of this blogroll is to promote women’s blogs. Everything I require is so that we meet that goal.
This is a women’s only blogroll. It is made up of a wide range of blogs covering a spectrum of interests, political affiliations and religions. This is a diverse group of women, intentionally so.
That list is by far not all inclusive because there are many other blogrolls and web-rings that are great and a wonderful source for you to get your name out there. And I would be remiss if I did not tell you one of the greatest blogrolls (and one of the largest) is BlogHer’s own Mommy & Family blogroll.
There is also Technorati. It is easy to go there and to claim your blog. From there people can list your blog as a favorite, add it to their watchlist or just see how long it has been since you updated. (But remember to ping them!) That should be true of all of the major blogrolling services such as Blogrolling. Ping them and they will come!
One other useful way to get your blog noticed is to have a link to it in all of your out-going correspondence. Use it as your tagline. People actually do click those to see what you are talking about. I have found (and been found) many a times from an email I sent out that had nothing to do with my blog, but because it had a link to it, the reader followed it and I gained a new reader. No hard sell. No pushing anyone with the “READ MY BLOG” statements. Just a casual link at the end of my email.
A much appreciated form of social blog politeness is to link to other blogs that you find inspiring, humorous or just enjoyable. When you link to another blog, most bloggers notice traffic coming from your site and will follow it to see what you are saying. I am sure you appreciate it when another blogger links to you. Even veteran bloggers enjoy the reciprocal links.
Finally, join communities. There are so many. BlogHer, of course is a great resource. There are also communities such as Maya’a Mom, Cafe Mom and iVillage. Those are merely a few, but some well trafficked sites that will not only be a resource for you to find new bloggers, but for them to find you, too!
Obviously, I cannot possibly list all of the webrings, blogrolls and communities here, but feel free to add your favorites in comments. (Remember the first part of this? Comments are a great way to be seen.)
What it all boils down to is the same thing I have mentioned enough times that you just may want to say it with me: content! Write posts that have substance and are of interest to someone other than your dog. (Though, if your dog is reading your blog, I would love to know about it!) I gave you a few (just a small scratching of the surface) ways to get your blog name out there. The rest is up to you. Write. Enjoy what you write. And engage your readers. That is what will gain you a readership. Word of mouth will get your readership up and the next thing you know, you will be a mom blogging rock star.
So, now that you are on your way to stardom, what’s next? The big question many bloggers have: Can I make any money doing this? Should I even try? Coming up next in the series: Ads? Love them or hate them? Take a stand and stand by it!
— ~Jenn is off to comment on blogs and share the blogging love now.~
Content and your child’s right to privacy–Part V in the mom blog series
Your blog is ready to go. You have your platform. You’ve named it. You have decided how much personal information to include and what you want to do about pictures. Good job. The basics are done. Now, the hard part starts. Your blog–ANY blog– is nothing without good content. You knew I was going to get to it eventually. We have to talk about content. Political blogs will mention politics. Food bloggers will talk about food. Mom bloggers will inevitably talk about their children. Let’s face it: they are a never-ending source of entertainment. However, before you type one word about them, you should decide what is yours to share and what is theirs to keep private.
This to me if the most essential decision you can make as a blogger. Once your words are out, they are out. A few years back a journalist made a snide comment about how your children’s future prom dates will Google them and read every embarrassing story ever written about them.
And?
My dates didn’t have Google. They had my Mom. She had enough stories and pictures to keep me humiliated for life. (The only way to hold her off was to marry my high school sweetheart and never have to worry about it again.) My point is that, yes, your words are out there. And, yes, you have a great potential of embarrassing your children. But it is not just about the things that may make them blush. It is about things that they want to remain private–just between them and their mom. It is about respect. Only you and your children can decide where this line is drawn.
A great example of a mom blogger being called out by her teen is Grace Davis. One day while discussing what her daughter could expect in terms of going to BlogHer last year, her daughter said something that halted Grace and completely altered her way of thinking when it came to blogging about her daughter. (Read the whole entry. It is a great lesson in mom blogging and communication.)
Your blog is really funny, Mom. But, you make me and my friends look stupid.”
Stupid. I was devastated. I hastily run through blog entries in my mind. Did this make Moll and her friends appear stupid? Or was it this, or this ? Did this offend her?
What do you do once your child is old enough to read what you are writing about them and their lives? They will have an opinion and it won’t always be that they adore your every word. You have now jumped into a new world. The world where your children want to have a say in their own privacy.
Grace handled it with the class she handles everything. She gave her daughter the ultimate position for a child of a mom blogger.
I won’t take down the posts, but I will take on Molly as the Official State of Grace Editor for Adolescent Affairs. I’ll be showing her any blog entries related to her prior to publishing.
But that is not the only way to go when it comes to mom blogging. It is your space to talk about what you feel impacts you and your life. Being a mom, that will include discussing your children. And our children are not always the brightest ray of light in our lives at all times. Sometimes they are difficult and frustrating and downright crazy-making. Bloggers are writers. Writers write. Mothers vent. It is only natural that you will have a tendency to want to vent about those little people that effect so many (if not all) aspects of your life.
Lisa of Niihaus realized her son had objections to some of her more personal posts on her blog that referenced him in a way he did not like. Her response was swift and without censorship.
Then he came at me about my blog. He felt it was against his rights that I blog about him because he had a right to privacy.
This is what I said, “Pfffffffttttt.†Like, you have got to be kidding me. Right to privacy? That totally went out the door when I had my legs in stirrups, showing my vagina to at least 8 people, farting during all four pushes, and your big ass shoulders tearing my vagina a whole inch.
So there. Neener. Neener. Your wrong, I’m right and f*ck your right to privacy point.
From one end of spectrum to the other. Both doing what is right for themselves and their blogs. Let’s face facts, people. There is no set rule for what you can and cannot say about your children on your blog. (We are not getting into libel and such. We are talking about whether or not you can mention a date, a kiss, a party etc. Unless you have small children and then we are talking about writing about issues such as streaking, pooping, potty training and swear words.) When your children are young, it is more an issue of looking forward and trying to predict what could or would hurt or embarrass them down the line. When you children are older, their response can (and usually will be) immediate. (Assuming they know about your blog.)
Kyran of Notes to self commented on this very issue on another entry in this series.
Of far greater importance to me is what I write about them. For me it is very important that I don’t trespass on my children’s right to privacy. Since they are not old enough advocate for themselves in that regard, it is up to me to respect their boundaries. While their stories flow into and become part of mine, there is a line I will not cross. It’s not an arbitrary, concrete one, but I know it whenever I come to it. And I know it when I see other mom bloggers cross it.
I realize that some of the best entries are ones that will probably embarrass your children. But they don’t have to be. Or at least not to the point of causing bad vibes and bigger issues between you and your children. I have written posts that embarrass my children but more because it proves their mom is a dork and not because I am outing them for something they did.
The only set advice that I can give and stand behind regardless of your choice is to remember that your children are yours for life. Blogs will come and go. Just do not do something that will hurt your relationship with your children in the long run. Make sure you can all live with your decision. It is just not worth it for a story. Even a really great, really funny and often linked to story.
Speaking of links, next up in the series deals with: Finding your voice, gaining an audience and getting your name out there. And, yes, they do in fact all tie in together.
~Jenn is off to embarrass her children without the use of her blog.~
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Here are the links to parts One, Two, Three and Four of this series.
Originally the topic of this part of the series was going to just focus on posting images on your mom blog. I was going to cover just the basics of “do you” or “don’t you” include pictures, but from the comments I have received, I feel it is important to cover the “why’s” and “why not’s” of posting images of your children and/or your family. It is not just a matter of who sees your pictures. You should also think about how to protect your images as well.
One of the most common questions after whether or not to use real names is whether or not to post images of your children. As with every other aspect of your blog, this is going to have to fall into doing what you feel works best for you and your family. However, there are some issues I will bring up that you should think about. First, when your school (if you have school age children) ask if you give permission for them to use your child’s image or likeness for publicity or promotion, do you think about it before agreeing? They may use your child’s photo on a website, newspaper or national publication. Yes, blogging is an entirely different game, but you have to remember that your child is not living in a bubble. There are many bloggers who choose to completely leave images of their family off of their blog. Karen of the blog A Deaf Mom Shares Her World chooses to limit images by using back shots or far way images. It is where her current comfort level lies. Then we have bloggers like Liz of This Full House has no hesitation in posting family pictures.
Something important to remember about posting images is that whether or not to post is not just an issue of security. As more than one mom blogger found out the hard way, some people will take images of your children off of your site to use in ways that can be offensive, inappropriate or just in ways that they are not intended to be used. Tracey of Sweetney went through this and let me tell you, it was a hellish experience for her and her family. Hellish because she felt violated by having someone use images of her child on another site without her permission or approval.
There are two ways in which you can deal with this type of problem. Well, actually three ways. One being avoid all pictures. Short of that, I have two other ways to handle photo issues and people taking your photos from your site. First, host them on sites like Flickr and set the privacy to that of friends and family only. That way you know who you have approved to see your family pictures and who you are allowing access to your family.
Now, if you are not worried about who sees your images, but perhaps who may take them and use them as their own. It does happen. The Sarcastic Journalist had some of her pregnancy photos taken from her site and put on a message board where someone claimed them as their own. There are ways to prevent this. You can watermark them. Put your name, url or some other identifying item into your picture. One that cannot be cropped out. (I know that Wordpress has this option as a feature. I am not positive about others, but I know photo editing programs can let you do this.) This way, no one can claim your picture as their own.
Personally, I use pictures. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. Or at least a blog entry or two!
Thanks for all of your input and comments. By popular demand (also known as a topic that came up more than once in comments) the next post will focus on Boundaries–those between you and your readers and between you and your children.
~Jenn is going to go take candid snapshots that will later be Googled and embarrass her children before their prom!~
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Here are the links to parts One, Two and Three of this series.
Your new mom blog (Part III): Let’s get personal (or not!)
We’ve covered platforms (and you taught me a thing or two as well) and we have covered naming your blog. Now we come to one of the most important decisions you will make as a mom blogger. To name or not to name. Meaning, to use your real name and the real names of your children or to stay as anonymous as possible. This is an important decision for any blogger, but if you are going to be blogging about your children, this is one decision you really need to ponder. You must decide what is right for you and for your family. For as many women who are mom bloggers there are that many different opinions and reasons as to whether or not to use real names.
When I originally started my blog, I had cute names for the kids. As my freelance career started to move forward, my name was getting out there, I lost my own anonymity. And to be perfectly honest, I had a hard time remembering which child was called what. It took a certain authenticity out of my writing. So, I started to use the real names of my children.
Some mom bloggers don’t think twice about using the real name of their child. Take Heather Armstrong of Dooce for instance. Not only does she use her daughter’s name, Leta, she publishes monthly letters to her and talks freely about her life as a mom and her child’s life. Another great example of a mom blogger using real names is Liz of Mom 101. She even petitioned the Internet to help her name her new baby. (To the best of my knowledge, they did not go with anyone’s suggestion. Which, in actuality is fine because we all know eventually most moms end up calling their kids by their dog’s name anyway.)
We have some moms who choose not to use their own names or the names of their family members. They come up with amazingly creative ways to refer to their offspring. Which leads to the question, “How long will you be able to stick with nicknames if you choose them?” If you start with a nickname, you should either stick with it or come up with a creative way to change it. Some mom bloggers do this with humor and grace. I have used her as an example before, but it makes me laugh. Busy Mom refers to her three children as (wait for it…) Busy Girl, Busy Boy and –my favorite– the Not Yet Kindergartener Formerly Known as the Preschooler Formerly Known as Busy Baby. I cannot wait for that baby to hit high school. His name will be a blog entry in and of itself.
Some women choose to blog using their own first name but choose to keep the names of their children out of it. Rather than trying to come up with a cute nickname or a name they will forget, they make up the names of their children and use those instead. Sort of like a chance to rename all of your children if you had to do it all over again. A blog that admits to this is Rocks In My Dryer.
I’m a 30-something stay-at-home mom to four kids: Adam (age 9), Stephen (age 8), Joseph (age 6) and Corrie (age 2). Those aren’t their real names, and yes, as a matter of fact, I HAVE mistakenly called them by their “blog names” before.
I know of several bloggers who do this, but if they don’t admit to it, I am not going to call them out here. I just want you to know that it is an option to just make up names for your children. If it makes you feel better keeping their anonymity, I recommend this route. Let’s face it, little “Cutie-Pie-Baby” won’t be a baby forever. One day (and trust me on this because I have one in my house) they become teenagers. They do get mad being referred to as “Cutie-Pie-Baby.” (They are not too fond of “Surly Teen With An Attitude” either.) If you have always called your child Fred, he can remain Fred regardless of age or personality. If their blog name changes with each age, it may get confusing for not only your readers, but for you as well.
So, why would you want to keep as much information private? Because the Internet is not just the nice corner of people who leave comments on your blog. It is not just your fans. It is vast and not always nice. Some women feel it is crucial to keep as much information as they can as private as possible for their safety and the safety of their children. Some were put into that position due to ugly circumstances. Take Moody Mama. She keeps everything as neutral as possible for former harassment reasons. Now, if you want to know about her you can learn that her children are MB1 through MB5 and MG and that she is married to Moody Dad. That keeps her world as small as she must have it.
The whole point of this part of the series is to make you think. And to show you that you have options when it comes to using real names on your mom blog. You must remember one thing: No matter how small your corner of the Internet is, unless you have a password protected blog, you have no idea who is reading it. You must find a comfort level with the amount of information that you put out there. If you know that it is already there and you and your family have a comfort level with that, go for the real deal. If you don’t care about your name but want to protect your children’s names at all costs, go with a nickname or just make up a name for them. And remember, you do have the option to try to keep everything anonymous. I do have to warn you about that one, though. One bit of information that is too revealing and you can get Googled and outed. Not that I am trying to scare you. I just want you to be aware that there are people out there that if given a reason, they will do what they can to try to figure out who you are. So be careful with anything you put out there if you want to truly be unidentifiable.
Remember that through your words, you are showing off your family to the world. Which leads me to the next segment in our series: Do I use pictures of my kids online? Why or why not?
~Jenn is going to go see if she can talk her children into letting her rename them “Not-Me”, “Hey-You”, and “I-Don’t-Know” since she hears those names so often at home.~
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Your blog is ready to go. You have your platform. You’ve named it. You have decided how much personal information to include and what you want to do about pictures. Good job. The basics are done. Now, the hard part starts. Your blog–ANY blog– is nothing without good content. You knew I was going to get to it eventually. We have to talk about content. Political blogs will mention politics. Food bloggers will talk about food. Mom bloggers will inevitably talk about their children. Let’s face it: they are a never-ending source of entertainment. However, before you type one word about them, you should decide what is yours to share and what is theirs to keep private.
Originally the topic of this part of the series was going to just focus on posting images on your mom blog. I was going to cover just the basics of “do you” or “don’t you” include pictures, but from the comments I have received, I feel it is important to cover the “why’s” and “why not’s” of posting images of your children and/or your family. It is not just a matter of who sees your pictures. You should also think about how to protect your images as well.
We’ve covered 
