Fight the good fight, not the dirty one that hurts your community and your fellow mombloggers!
October 5, 2009
Rarely do I use my blog to rant and vent when it comes to other bloggers. However, what I saw go down last week on blogs and on Twitter has me rather irate. What am I talking about? I am talking about the #nestlefamily blogger junket. I watched on Twitter as the chaos and mudslinging occurred. I stayed out of it. I know most of the bloggers that attended and I know they do not support “baby killing” as it was so often referred to. I do understand that many people have issues with Nestle. I read posts and followed links to see what the firestorm was all about. I saw the outrage and anger towards Nestle- some backing up their outrage, some just jumping on the bangwagon.
But here is where it went too far: When other bloggers went as far as to slam, criticize and be downright cruel to the bloggers in attendance. Seriously? That is just uncalled for when you attack the attendees. Some of the bloggers were very hurt by the accusations and cruelty thrown their way. And some of this venom was by other blogger they respect(ed). Did those of you who attacked the bloggers personally approach them in a respectful way or just throw stones?
You see, as one of the pioneers in mommyblogging, I have seen how far we have come. We were once at the bottom of the blogging ladder. We were the ones at the back of the list when it came to asking opinions of us or looking to us to educate and inform others about a product or service. We (including some of the bloggers in attendance) fought hard to gain respect in the world of social media and with corporate America. It was through our hard work, quality writing and open mindedness that we opened doors to major corporations to reach out to us. Yes, we opened the door to gain access to these companies. We earned their respect and therefore they have seen the power mom bloggers have online. Believe it or not there was a time when there was no such thing as a blogger junket.
I remember one of the first held was Johnson’ s Baby Camp. Yes, there was a blow up over that one. However, when bloggers were upset, they went to Johnson’s. I did not see the actual bloggers being attacked personally. Since then there have been many, many blogger trips to corporations where mom bloggers can learn about the companies, their practices and what they stand for as a company. (Disclosure: Yes, I have been on some of these. Yes, I do enjoy going. And, YES, I have learned more about these companies from attending. It is not about a free trip and swag. Do I enjoy going on these trips? Of course I do. A prime example is the trip I took to Hallmark. I learned so much there and met amazing creative people. I did have fun but more than that, I learned so much more about the company itself. I do look into the companies when I am asked to go on one of these blogger junkets. Just for the record. The majority of us do not just get an invite and automatically jump for joy and attend. We attend for a reason. We attend to hear what they have to teach us and show us about their company.) For the record, Johnson’s did learn from the constructive criticism they received. I worked with the PR person on this and saw it from their side as well.
Some of these women were at the forefront of mommyblogging. They were ones that (even if the term mommyblogger made their skin crawl) fought to be heard and respected. They are not into blogging for free trips, swag or bragging rights that they have been able to go on these trips. They are the ones whose quality of writing brought these trips to you. (Yes, you who have been on them yourselves and enjoyed them.) They helped show that we are powerful, useful and want to learn more about the products they may (or may not) be buying for their families. To suggest anything else is not only inaccurate but cruel. These women were blogging about their lives long before there was any monetary compensation or free trips involved. Long before some of you were even blogging.
I saw and heard many women I respect personally attack these bloggers and frankly, it pisses me off in a big way. I lost respect for women I had admired who used social media as a way to attack the attendees themselves. What do you hope to gain doing that? Do you think that by attacking their ethics, motivation and character makes you look more informed and a better person/mom blogger? Well, it doesn’t. It makes you look foolish and immature.
If you have a problem with Nestle, bring it up with NESTLE. You want to boycott them, you go on with your bad self. You want to tell Nestle off, do it. It is well within your right to stand strong in your beliefs when it comes to a company and their practices. I applaud you being an advocate for what you believe. I seriously do admire those of you who stand up for what you believe and fight to see that injustices you hear or learn about are dealt with.
However, the moment you made it personal towards the mombloggers (and dad blogger) who went to this event, you lost your credibility. At least with me. It amounts to nothing more than school yard bullying. Not to mention bullying some of the very people who have opened doors that I know you have enjoyed walking through yourself.
And, yes, I know that not all of the people who are anti-Nestle berated these bloggers. I know that. Enough did, though, that I feel it should be addressed.
Those of you who did make it personal with these bloggers, the next time you decided to throw stones at these people, you think long and hard about what stones could be thrown at you. Their attendance did not mean they support Nestle’s practices. Do you know why they went? Did you ask them what their motivation was to attend? Did you find out if they wanted to become better informed on the issues you brought up? Or did you assume their attendance automatically made them the bad guys?
With social media such as Twitter it is so easy to sit behind a computer and hurl your insults and make these people feel bad. Are you using social media as a tool or as a weapon? Think about it.
Had I been able to go, would I have gone? Probably. Not because I discount the research done by many bloggers on the company. Not because I wanted a free trip. And not because I will blindly go anywhere I am asked to go. But because no matter how much research I read from you, I want to get my own answers. I want to see both sides. I want to educate myself.
I am so disappointed in how my fellow mombloggers were treated personally. It infuriates me.
I fear that behavior like I saw will drag the mom(my) blogger name into the mud and shove us back into the depths of “we don’t want to hear from them” because dammit we have worked too hard for too many years to gain respect.
And, no, I am not talking about speaking out about your feelings, research and ideas about Nestle itself. I am talking about the rude, mean spirited attacks against women I know to be admirable, respected and intelligent well educated bloggers who have done amazing things when it comes to blogging–namely momblogging.
Shame on those of you who saw fit to attack the attendees themselves.
Use your anger and your outrage over the company to open a dialogue with Nestle or use your words to educate those who do not know what you have researched.
And for the love of all things community, back the hell off of these bloggers. They are good people.
The Motherhood just launched a fun new project. Real moms. Unscripted. Unrehearsed. Unedited. Just doing what we do best. Want a sneak peek? Go over to The Sisterhood of the Traveling Flip and see what I have to say about our girlfriends–those women in our life who help us get through our day to day lives. Kind of like The Motherhood! Also, we have some fun and wonderful moms who will be making appearances all week. You won’t want to miss it!
Come over and join us! You, too, can play vlogger with rest of us!
And the wonderful new site launched for Moms: TheMotherhood!
A HUGE thank you to all of the bloggers who participated and especially to all of you who played. We will be doing things like this on an ongoing basis. So, if you didn’t win, be sure to join theMotherhood and get active so you know when we start again. Thanks for playing!
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Here are our winners of the Share the Blog Love Scavenger Hunt (using their user names on TheMotherhood so you can go visit them):
Our Grand Prize Winner is: lalawawa ! Her blog is Crosswind. She must have set a record in getting through this. Great job!
Our first runner up is: Roxy Mommy. Her blog is Roxy Mommy.
Our second runner up is: KarenK. Her blog is: FourKidsAndADog
Our third runner up is: AliciaMCG. Her blog is private but we are trying to convince her to start a public one so we can share in her life!
Congratulations for doing such a great job and finishing in the top five!
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Now for our randomly drawn winners. With nearly 200 hundred entries, these are the 10 lucky women who were drawn at random to win a prize. (In no particular order.)
(First their name here on The Motherhood and then their blog url if they have one.)
Thank you all for playing. Stay tuned as we play our next great adventure together. Be sure to visit these neighbors and to congratulate them. Make new friends here at the ‘hood.
Election 2008: TheMotherhood.com Calls in The Vote
November 4, 2008
My very good friends and founders of one of my favorite online communities, TheMotherhood.com, has come up with a brilliant and fun way to capture this historic election both in a community forum as well as on your own blog. Let’s face it, my friends, unless you live under a rock, you know that this election is history in the making. No matter what candidate you are voting for, it will be an historic moment in our country. Tomorrow we will wake up with either our first African American president or our first female vice president.
My friends over at The Motherhood — founders Emily McKhann and Cooper Munroe– have created an easy cellphone based application that members use to communicate at once with their circles of friends - and they’ve adapted it for CALL IN THE VOTE.
As Motherhood co-founder Emily McKhann told the BBC:
“We are encouraging women to call in and tell us about their voting experience - if they took their children, what it was like and of course where they are.
Mothers are busy people, so an online community is a simple way to encourage them to get involved without having to do anything that is too complicated to set up.”
Why would you not want to capture that moment– the things you were thinking, feeling and doing on this day? Share it with your kids. For that matter, take your kids and let them share it. Voted early? Then share whether or not you feel left out over the hoopla over today.
I will be phoning it in. Will you?
Here’s how it works - very simple, easy and fun:
1) Join TheMotherhood.com (if you’re not already in there) and be sure to put your cell phone number in when prompted during sign-up.
4) Pick up your cell phone and call 412-282-1182 (tip: add that number to your phone’s contacts ahead of time.)
5) Give us a live, on the ground report. Tell us about voting, how you feel, what the experience is like and any other election day coverage! What did the kids think? Find your inner Couric and maybe even interview some others who are voting for more great coverage of the day. The recordings will show up immediately on TheMotherhood.com in
the Moms CALL IN the Vote circle..
6) You don’t need to have a blog or website to take part in this - but if you do, you can take the embed code from TheMotherhood.com (it will appear directly underneath your recording) and embed your voice — and other recordings you hear there too if you like — on your own site.
7) Listen to (and save for posterity) grassroots, citizen mom/dad coverage at its finest on this most historic day.
Let me know if you do this and I will do a huge follow up post sharing your thoughts and link back to your blog.
Call in the vote, people! OH, and join the group on Facebook! You know you want to be on Facebook. Join and I will share with you my newest Facebook OMG story! Just go join the Call in the vote group on Facebook.
Friends don’t let friends IM after midnight. Or do Wii?
June 13, 2008
I don’t sleep well at night. So sometimes I get online and find people to talk to. Some are okay with it. Some play “IM dead” and pretend they are not there rolling their eyes.
One of my favorite late night chatters is my totally awesome and completely cool roomie for BlogHer ‘07 and yes again this year for BlogHer ‘08 (cause I didn’t scare her off!) is Busy Mom. Yes, she does have a real name. She can tell you herself. The sad thing is? She has WiiNis envy. (rhymes with another phrase and is pronounced wee-nus envy.) It is happening all over the country from people who are without a Wii.
This woman is living totally old school. Like make you want to weep and donate to the cause old school. Check out how pathetically old school Busy Mom is and how she needs to step at least into the 21st century but definitely into this decade. See? Total WiiNis envy. (Or is it WiiNis Envii?)
This is one of our late night conversations. And, yes, the silly had hit but the fun stuck around.
Me: I wrote a post: “I Wii Pii’ed myself when - got my Wii Fit”
BusyMom: Hahahaha!
Busy Mom: Charge the family a Fii to use it, money problem solved
12:03 AM me: Good idea for Mii
Busy Mom: Or, you could just let it Bii
me: Drop PiiTiiA and Bii Frii
I Sii
12:04 AM Busy Mom: Hii Hii Hii
me: Gii you are funnii
Busy Mom: Tii Hii, humor is Kii
12:05 AM me: We will get you a Wii this summer. I will buy thii a Wii to play. I can Sii you are Kii to the lovah of thii Wii and will Bii Frii to send Thii a Wii
12:06 AM Busy Mom: Whoopii!!
me: Yeah I am done. Out. Finii
Busy Mom: LOL
12:07 AM me: Have wii crossed the line into crazii? Because if wii shared this, they would sii that wii are wacked crazii
Busy Mom: Li’lol Mii?
me: My brain doth exploded
12:08 AM Busy Mom: My screen is all gooii, thanks
me: Now go! Work. I need to sii about deadlines for mii also.
Busy Mom: If it were graded, I’d get a Dii
me:Bii Good!12:13 AM Busy Mom: Okii Dokii!me: Nite sweetieSweetiiSwiitiiBusy Mom: Hii, Hii, Mwah!12:14 AM Busii Mom, over and outme: Mommii needs coffii out
I do not know why some of you ignore me when I IM you late at night. That is kind of rude. Look at the fun you would have chatting.
Okay, after years of going without, I am giving in to temptation. Throwing caution and my better judgment to the wind, I am going to start rolling again. Blog rolling. Dude! What did you think?
So, if you think you should be on my blog roll, let me know. I am hopefully adding to it this week. Let me know why you want to be on it. You know reason like:
You want people other than your mom to read.
You have something on me and I better add you or you will release it to the world at large.
You need validation and I am just the blog to give it to you.
Because? Why not, beyotch?
You know I read you. I may even comment so why the hell are you not already being linked?
You have been removed from another blog roll for some dumb ass reason and are looking to not screw up your whole Technorati ranking so I need to make up the loss by adding you.
Your sister’s friend’s cousin’s hairdresser’s mailman’s next door neighbor’s aunt dates this dude who once read your blog and said it kicked ass so you should for sure be on the list!
You once commented and so there! Add you! Now!
You have anger issues and that in and of itself should scare me into adding you.
You deserve it because you know what movie this line came from: “You’re a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you be doing if you weren’t out making yourself a better citizen?”
Because you are about to kick my ass for trying to get anyone to jump through hoops.
That about covers why I add people to my blog roll. Oh, and of course because I read you and think other people should, too. But is that really a good enough reason? This is 2008 baby. Justification is the name of the game. Good writing will only get you so far. Inane bullshit carries you the rest of the way.
[Update to screech:] Seriously? Not ONE of you know where that movie line came from?! Are none of you teens of the 80’s. First person to tell me gets top billing in the blogroll. I am so saddened that no one knows where neo maxi zoom dweebie came from.
A Bloggess gets Kawasakied. We Digg a Queen. And Mommybloggers take back their title and add Hussein.
March 1, 2008
As you may or may not know, I post regularly on BlogHer. This post has received a lot of attention from other mom bloggers, so I wanted to share it here seeing as I know not all of you read BlogHer. I know…cross posting can be lame. Sue me. Well, don’t really. I just wanted to share how far we have come, baby.
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It has been one of those weeks. A week that slams you against a wall. Needless to say, I fell behind in my blog reading. What is an editor to do? Why she just hops onto Twitter to find the latest buzz. And, oh, there has been buzz!
Take for instance the newest addition to the Urban Dictionary. When Jenny of The Bloggess found her group blog Mama Drama on Alltop.com, she emailed Guy Kawasaki (the creator of the list) to thank him. From there, the hilarity ensued. In a must read exchange between Guy and Jenny, she found herself the topic of a Tweet.
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And then Guy twittered about me, which is like winning an Oscar for best design of a battery-operated series of fog machines. Totally amazing and kind of embarrassing all at the same time. Also? Nothing to sneer at make hay about.
Anyway, I’d just like to thank Mr. Kawasaki for being the one of the first genuinely nice celebrities to not make me feel like a total douchebag and I plan on sending a copy of this to Ken Hoffman who could certainly take a lesson from Guy and needs to realize that just acknowledging a fan letter won’t mean that I’ll get all delusional and suddenly be convinced that we’re now ”best friends forever” and show up at your house on holidays. It’s too late now, Ken, but it would have meant a lot to me way back when I was just some random chick to you. Back when I wasn’t engaged to Guy Kawasaki.
It was from this Tweet and the subsequent emails passed back and forth that Jenny coined the phrase being “Kawasakied.” Now, according to Urban Dictionary that means:
To have your blog linked to or acknowledged by someone famous like Guy Kawasaki who totally kicks ass, but if you told your mom about it she’d be like “Huh? What’s a blog? Hey, is that the guy who invented the motorcycle?”
“Dude. My blog got totally Kawasakied today!”
On a totally different note, the power of a mom blogger and her opinions was clearly observed when political post Erin of Queen of Spain Blog wrote a very compelling and thought provoking article about the upcoming Democratic Nomination and Hillary Clinton. As word of her post got out, people flocked to it and she found it on the front page of Digg. (And the topic of many discussions around the net and a massive amount of tweets on Twitter.) In fact, it wasn’t until much later that mainstream media caught up and you began to read in newspapers the same idea that Erin had already shared with the world.
What? A mom blogger who has a brain, political opinions and dares to share them with the world? She rocked the socks off of many people. People well beyond those who are considered the typical mom blog audience. Erin is not one to shy away from her opinion. Few of us who are in the mom blog category do. We are proving to not only our own community that supports us but to the tech and new media world as a whole that we are voices that should not only be listened to, but respected.
Power to the Mom Blogger who dares to speak out!
While we are on the topic of respect, I have to mention a great conversation that took place today. The question was asked:
“Tell me, is ‘Mommyblogger’ still a negative term in the Social Media space? Has it changed? Do you still look down? Be truthful.”
I always felt the mommy-blogger label was too confining, and I shook it completely a year ago when I started a new blog… much of that was because of reaction from others that made mommy-blogging feel second tier- looking back I should have ignored.
For many of us, we remember the time when the very term or idea of mommybloggers was dismissed, shunned and looked down upon. The very first BlogHer conference had a session on mommyblogging that was a “room of our own” and was expected to bring in few people. It was standing room only. Back then, one of the main focuses of the discussion was whether or not the term mommyblogger was derogatory. Today, as I followed the discussion on Twitter, I saw many responses that were along these lines:
I never thought “mommyblogger” was other than a statement of heroic survival ability!
Not everyone was loving the term or category. Lone Sophist stated:
I think that women who are mothers and blog are more than mommybloggers, that’s why I don’t like that “category.”
The point is this. Just a few years ago we were in a small room and felt like second tier bloggers. Today, we are much sought after by marketers, talk shows and magazines. We’ve come a long way, baby.
Mom bloggers are so much more than diapers and potty training. We are taking on issues that are changing the world and the way people view it. For instance, take todays awesome “Just Call Me Hussein” smackdown over at Momocrats.
Why all the fuss? Some ig’nant fools apparently think it’s helpful to their cause to liken Barack Obama to a “terrorist” because his middle name is “Hussein.” And we ain’t havin’ none of that. Why? Because “bitch is the new black,” and we? Are bitches.
We’ve decided to extend the reach of this important blog action by making “Just Call Me Hussein” a meme. If you are reading this and haven’t posted, consider yourself tagged. All you have to do is post your “Hussein name” in the title of your blog and share a story about how someone tried to make you feel bad about your name.
When you post—whenever you post—be sure to link us so we can find you. Now, go! Spread that meme far and wide, sistahs (and brahs)! Bitches get shit done!
Most excellent way to take a situation and make people not only think, but write about it. You see? It extends beyond their blog. Beyond any of our blogs when we get right down to it. At last check, there were thirty-three posts (and still counting) that sprang from one entry on one blog written by moms.
It’s been a long road and sadly there has been some road-kill along the way, but mommybloggers–the term, the bloggers and the power behind them both– are a powerful force in new media.
Me? I am proud to have been on that first panel, that first year as we wondered where we would go from there. I would say mommybloggers are kicking ass and taking names. Count on it. And, yes, you can quote me on that.
Guy Kawasaki said I am Tops. (Okay he said a lot of others are, too but this is my blog.)
February 26, 2008
Back in 2006 when Guy Kawasaki listed his Ultimate Mommy Blog List and I found both Mommy Needs Coffee and Mommybloggers on it, I was overjoyed. I think my response was “Holy crap! Guy Kawasaki reads (or fakes reading) Mommy Blogs!” It was a momentous occasaion. So much so that I do believe that when I met him at BlogHer I threw myself at his feet and offered to have his Internet baby. (Really, Guy, that wasn’t me but my evil–and way too forward– alter ego.) Since then, I have stalked admired Guy and everything he does. Well, online at least because he is in California and I am in Texas. The airfare to personally stalk admire him would be too much for my measly ad revenue dollars to handle. But I would if I could. And if the law allowed that kind of thing.
Now Guy has a new brain child. (Not to be confused with the Internet Baby I offered.) Alltop.com This is a website aggregating “all the top sites on the web.” Moms included. And? Both Mommy Needs Coffee and Mommybloggers made this list as well. And the other bloggers on that list? They rock. So, I am honored he added my two baby blogs. (I can so be humble. I am good at that. Wait. Does that negate the previous comment?)
I am assuming he has since forgotten the whole “throwing myself at his feet and declaring all loyalty to the man who is Guy Kawasaki.” I am pondering making a badge declaring my “Guy Says I Have One of The Top Sites on the Web” status. No, not a badge for my blog, but for me to wear with my ultra-hip Mom Uniform. (Men dig women who wear badges. Or at least they did when I was a Girl Scout before that unfortunate getting kicked out of Scouts due to excessive talking incident of the mid-70’s.)
Of course, to be fair he added other categories, too. You know, to cover up his love and devotion reserved for the mom blogger. I have found many new and amazing sites just going there and reading who he has chosen. In fact, I may just start a few new blogs to see if he will add those, too. Or not.
The point is, you too can stalk admire Guy and his way cool Alltop.com site. Go. Now. Find new blogs. (But come back. I need all 6 of my readers to come back and make me feel all important and stuff. Guy can’t carry that load alone. And? I probably scare him a little.)
I first saw this on Karen’s blog, Karen Sugarpants, who credited Avitable for the idea where of course I followed many links to other people who grabbed this one and ran with it.
They both wrote a post of ten things they wish they could say (or should say) to people.It was harder than I thought it would be because I am one to actually say what I think to the people around me. (For better or for worse.)
What do you wish you could say to someone? Here are mine:
1. Did you really think your words would not get back to me? I was madder than hell to find out that you were behind the insanity, but I forgive you because I realize it all worked out for the best. Now? Now I am just sad for you.
2. I wish I could understand why you did the things you did to me. I tried so hard not to be resentful or bitter towards you because that hurts me more than you, but I am still struggling with that. You hurt me down to the soul. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me? Do you even care?
3. You are a wonderful, talented person who offers the people around you so much. I wish you could love yourself as much as you are loved. You would be so much happier.
4. I will never understand why you take the people who support you and do your best to destroy them. They support you. They are not trying to compete with you. Can’t you do the same in return?
5. I have always thought you were too good for me. I still do.
6. I miss your friendship. We laughed, cried and shared so much in such a short time but you always make me smile. We haven’t talked in ages. I wouldn’t even know how to reach out to you at this point, but know that I wish you well. And would love to talk to you again.
7. I’m sorry. Really sorry.
8. Stand up for yourself. You have so much to offer but you just don’t let people see the real you. I like the real you. I wish you did.
9. You have been a blessing in my life. Do you know that? I really hope you know that.
10. If you had to live through some of the things I have lived through, you might not be so quick to judge me. Just think about that the next time you dismiss someone’s happiness as fake. Maybe that person has just learned to love life– in spite of it.
Your turn. What would you say if you could– or should– say it.
