When grocery shopping makes your teen need therapy
June 29, 2007
There are just SO many ways to torment a teenager when you take him to the grocery store. After a long day of being cooped up inside as it rained the rain of a thousand ark builders dreams, I realized that the kids had begun to gnaw on the furniture for sustenance and I should probably go buy some food. The teen actually offered to go with me. In my defense I had been bored and doing work things all day. I was in need of some…levity.
It all started when we went in the wrong doors. I mean, I cannot shop if I go in the wrong side of the store. There is an order to these things, people. Of course, this brought on the eye roll of all eye rolls from the teen.
“You seriously cannot start on this side of the store?”
“No! Do you wipe yourself BEFORE you go to the bathroom? I think not! You do things in order. “
I think he saw trouble coming then but chose to push on with me.
Once we reached the donut section (mmmmmmm donuts) he asked if he could have one. Of course I responded as any good, mature and well balance mother would:
“Ohhhh! I want one! I want one! Can I have a donut? I want chocolate. No, cream filled. No. No. I want glazed. No. I think I do want cream filled. Can I? Can I?” All the while clapping in glee.
That got me a “Motherrrrrr” (But he did grin/hide-a-laugh over it.)
Then we got to the area that houses the crunchy goodness of the chips. I stood and looked. And looked.
“What the hell? Where are the X-13D’s? I wanted to buy more X-13D’s and they don’t have any. Nacho cheese is so yesterday. This is so unfair!” *foot stomp*
“Mom, just get the Jalapeño Chips. They have kick.”
“I hate those. You are just trying to kill me. Meanie. I liked the whole mystery behind the X-13D chips. They intrigued me. No CHIPS.”
About this point Brandon wonders whether making a run for it is wise or not. Somehow he decides against it. (Silly boy.)
At the cereal aisle we are looking at the actually healthy stuff when I see that Fruit Loops has a cool little flash light thingie in it. I grab the box and shout, “DIBS! I get the toy! Mine!” At that point he looks as if he wants to self combust to get out of this situation.
“Mom. Seriously. This is not how we act in the store.” Of course that sets me off in a whole new fit of giggles.
“You’re just jealous I get the flashlight,” I mock.
He makes it with me all the way to the frozen foods when I challenged him to a race down the aisle to find the best frozen junk to pass off for dinner and the loser has to cook it when he asks for the keys to the van. In fact, he actually goes to grab them out of my pocket.
“No he didn’t you”, you say. Oh yes he did!
So I grabbed the keys and shoved them into my bra. Safe territory.
This was pretty much how the rest of the grocery store trip went along. He began to taunt me.
“I’m going to eat your donut. I’m going to eat your donut.”
By the time we got to the van he was waving my donut at me. Oh, no. You don’t tease about chocolate anything with me.
Then these words rang out and echoed across the parking lot: “DUDE. DUDE. DON’T YOU DARE EAT MY FRIGGIN’ DONUT!”
I think we may shop at another store for a week or two. Just in case. But truth be told, I doubt my teen will offer to go with me again for quite a while.
On the bright side, the other grocery store has a Starbucks in it! Oh, yeah, baby. Hop me up on caffeine FIRST and then let me loose. Great plans that can go terribly awry.
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I guess he doesn’t remember how he acted when he was a kid, huh? Do you think he’ll remember this particular trip to the store when his own kids act that way? I sure hope so.
June 30th, 2007 at 6:15 PMOk, I read you from time to time and you amuse me, but my gawd, this had me laughing out loud!! I have no children, but for a chance to do this I might have to have one!
Keep up the good work! (and I do like my !!!!!!!!!!!! )
July 1st, 2007 at 12:10 PMYou go girl!!! I firmly believe as a mother of two mancubs,it is my job, to torment them, publicly if possible, whenever I can. I have to put up with their body noises, smells and functions at home and they think it’s hysterical. A little payback goes a long way! So sweet. Thanks for the keys in the bra…great idea.
July 1st, 2007 at 12:39 PMThat’s hilarious! Now I know why my husband and son do most of the shopping. They’re afraid I’ll act like a kid in the store and embarrass them both!!
July 1st, 2007 at 8:45 PMAww, look at the new page. I happened to click on the BlogHer network, instead of typing it in- I didn’t know I was at your page! Look, here you are.
Um, anyway. I am in awe of your teen torment skills. I have a few years yet, but I will absorb this like a sponge.
July 1st, 2007 at 11:07 PMHee, I read this post alound to my children & now my house is ringing with the repeated refrain of, “I’m gonna eat your donut!” & “DUDE. DUDE. DON’T YOU DARE EAT MY FRIGGIN’ DONUT!”
July 2nd, 2007 at 7:42 PMI LOVE tormenting my 13yr-old daughter every chance I get. She absolutely cringes when we approach a feminine hygiene aisle or the underwear/bra section at Walmart, Taget, or whereever.
July 4th, 2007 at 1:33 PMOMG! I’ve been touring Blogland all afternoon and you had me hooked when I found that You TOO are called Grace…
yep, I’ve had my family all sitting in the car and I’ve flown out the front door, hit the steps and a thin sheet of ice and bounced all the way down on my butt - happiest my family has ever been all in the car together.. I know because they were laughing hysterically. Woulda been nice if they could’ve helped me up… or even put the window down and shouted out, “anything broken?”
And then the teen years came and I had fun fun fun - like you seem to be having with yours! Ahh the happy memories of disgruntled and embarrassed teen faces…
You’re on my list of top blogs! I’ll be back!
Annie
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